The art of being alone, or ME TIME.

Nerdette offers her $0.02 on the "boys/girls/relationships suck meme, with a twist.
Ok, so let me be real for a second.

I am, in no way, shape or form, even remotely an expert. I'm just someone trying to get by, who has read too much popculture and chick lit.

But, hey, this is the interwebs, I have an opinion, and I'm semi-literate. :) So I'm going to venture an opinion. And I've been lurking on HON for a while, and reading too much xkcd, so I commented on mathgimp's post (mainly because he gave me a little shout-out. Thanks, mathgimp.)

So, yeah, relationships can sometime be a royal pain. But what's at the heart of the matter? The discussions of couplings or uncouplings, and all of our nerderific musing on why relationships blow a big donkey wad of sadness (and sometimes happiness, lest we forget) is, in some way, really an extension of ourselves. You've got to ask youself, Self? How are you feeling?

You have to take time for yourself every once in a while. It's really scary at first, if you're gregarious (like me.) The idea of being alone is terrifying. I mean, what if I choke on that M&M while I'm reading my chick lit book? Who will find me if I pass out? Or worse? What if I just sit in my apartment and stare at the wall?! SCARY. Or worst! What if someone discovers my secret obsession with knitting?! Maybe I will end up unmarried, alone, hyper-tending my hydroponic garden of african violets and 15 cats. Geebus! (Tangent -- a friend of mine who works in politics just happened on a psychographic model where she found that single women knitters are prone to voting for a specific party and never getting married. So maybe there's some truth to it? Naaaah.)

Neuroses aside, what the hell am I driving at? You need to rediscover the art of selfishness. Not like an Ayn Rand sort of "greed is good" type way, but a 'what the hell do I want to do' way. It will help you become more centered, because you're taking care of yourself. Sound like pop-psych armchair advice? Probably. But here's the thing. If you take time for yourself, to pursue those things that help you reconnect with who you really are, you're actually taking care of yourself. You're giving yourself time to breathe. And by doing so, you might also reconnect with the ways in which you can serve others (like your partner(s), depending on what your, um, coupling situations may be.) That time might also help to relieve some of the stress you carry around with you. And you can share the best parts of you with your partner(s) and friends, when you do choose to be with them.

I googled "Me Time" and found that in fact, there are some health sites that agree with me. Check out here, here and here.

Turns out, scheduling yourself some time to doing an activity that is just for you, and just with you, not only helps de-stress, it's better for your heart and your time management. What I found interesting was that a lot of the sites were geared towards women (well, duh. We're the primary caretakers for a lot of people!) but it's a good practice for men, too. I would venture to guess that men are just a little bit better at taking time for themselves. (Maybe not, let me know if I'm wrong, fellas!)

There are all sorts of good tips on those three sites, but I offer this simple exercise to get you started.

1.Think of one really great (but it doesn't have to be a huge) accomplishment you've done in the last week. For me, it was getting out of bed and going to work today. Congratulate yourself on it. It's a success, doesn't matter how small.

2.Think of three activities you love to do that involve just you.
(Here are mine: reading a good Nero Wolfe murder mystery in my apartment by myself, whilst eating a tasty snack. Yoga class. Sketching with pastels.)

3. Go do it.

Plan yourself a time right now when you're going to go and do one of those three things, in the next 24 hours. Even if it's 30 mins. Do it. Plan a play date with yourself. Write it down, and repeat steps 1-3 you've accomplished it.

Just like L'oreal, babies, YOU DESERVE IT!

xox,
Nerdette