More sadness and loss, and the Russians getting it right

I think a lot of you know by now, but one of the Westlake debaters, Jack Jenkins, died in a car accident at 1 am Friday morning.

I'm still reeling a little bit from the shock. No 17-year-old should die like this, and Jack was a particularly funny, special, brilliant person. The pain this is causing all of the kids in Austin is hard for me to handle, especially since I'm so far away. There's been a lot of grief in my group of friends lately, and I'm having some trouble processing and making meaning out of all of it.

Tomorrow, I'm going to post the eulogy I wrote for Jack. His memorial service is tomorrow afternoon, and I'd like to wait until after that to put it into general circulation. In the meantime, though, I was thinking about the concept of wakes, memorial services, and funerals. I was thinking about the outpouring of support Jack's parents and sister are receiving from the community, and how many people have called me just to talk about how much they love him. I wonder how much of that Jack knew while he was alive. I hope he knew all of it. But I don't know.

I don't think we do a good enough job of celebrating each other's lives while we're alive. Here's where the Russians come in. When I was in Moscow, Tommy and I went to an "authentic" Russian birthday party. They do a lot of things better than we do in this department. First of all, the amount and quality of food and drinks is out of control. We're talking, for a party of 10, 5 or 6 bottles of expensive wine, multiple types of delicious juices, and lots and lots of vodka, as well as probably 20 dishes of homemade food. We can do better, people.

Second of all, after they get drunk, they play mysterious and complicated games where no one seems to win or lose. The nuances were lost on me, but I know one of them was smart charades -- the acting takes like 45 minutes, and it is almost always some obscure Russian proverb (try acting out "warm water runs underneath the sandstone." It's even harder to figure out what it could possibly mean.)

I'm willing to give up the smart charades. However, the point of this post is this: they also spend the 4 hours of eating and drinking talking about how awesome the birthday person is. At various points throughout the meal, the birthday girl selected someone at the table, and they gave a 20 minute toast to her. Some was teasing and funny, some was poignant and sweet. By the end of the meal, everyone at the table had gone. They use birthdays to tell people why they love them - to celebrate their lives while they're alive. [As another quick aside, I someone at the party told me that the Russians bastardized a Georgian tradition. Apparently in Georgia, the toasts involve lengthy ritual, and can last an hour and a half a piece. There's no need for us to go that far, but I'd love to see it].

I'm not sure who's birthday is next (David's??), but I think we should do this. If nothing else, Rhonda, Smed, Joey, Kris and I all have birthdays within a week and a half of each other (we know A LOT of left-handed Capricorns), so you can start jotting your thoughts down now.

I love you guys very much.