Most of you know that I have embraced the world of selfunemployment. My rationale is simple: I don't like working. I do like editing and tutoring. So I will do those things as I wait for all of the graduate schools in the world to reject me (No, I haven't heard back from anywhere yet - I'm just predicting the future. And it's not like if I got into/was rejected from Columbia, the entire universe wouldn't know in about .005 seconds. I swear I'll tell you when I know. It'll happen).
After all of the graduate schools in the world reject me, I will then fulfill my dreams of moving to Estonia, marrying royalty, and living out my days discovering the enchantment of Eastern Europe. Until that time, I figure that between the wonders of Maryland unemployment law and the number of non-native English speakers in this great region of ours, I can get by.
But most of the tutoring and editing I do happen at night, and yet, I'm never bored during the day. Sure, some of my time is spent doing "business" stuff, but really there's a lot of time left over. It boggles my mind that I'm able to fill it. Clearly, I'm not blogging (sorry. I resolve to do better). I'm reading, but not much more than pre-selfunemployment time. My house is certainly not spick and span, as one would think it could be with this much free time.
The answer, my friends, lies in errands. All of a sudden, I'm an errand running machine. Today, for example, my schedule is as follows: wake up (check). make coffee (check). read the news/blogs/internet (check). return business calls (check). And then, viola! It's already 3 pm, and the rest of the day is reserved for "errands" before the evening tutoring. What errands do I have in store for today? Grocery store. Dry cleaning. Get gas. Go to the gym.
Now, I understand that other people do these things as well. Indeed, I did them (sans gym) in the days before selfunemployment. But really, I'm not sure how or when. Every day, I have a list of things that must be accomplished either on the phone or on the interweb or outside my house...and they actually get done now!
I'm admittedly a little concerned that my standard of happiness has sunk to the level where planning out an evening meal, shopping for the ingredients, and then preparing it constitutes a deeply fulfilling day. I've contemplated starting a writing or research project...or trying to watch all film noir movies...or learning how to actually knit. But really, I'm pretty damned content. And I figure that for the first time in my life, I'm well rested, and doing pretty much exactly what I want to do, pretty much every day.
I think I'd actually make a really good housewife. I wouldn't mind there being kids around to play with. I wouldn't mind my life consisting of running errands, reading what I want, volunteering, watching a lot of movies, and making a little bit of money on the side. And if that could happen outside of the Mary Land, so much the better.
In conclusion, we're still calling grad school plan A. But plan B, rapidly moving up in the ranks, is becoming an Estonian housewife. And I'm REALLY excited about that possibility.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
In defense of selfunemployment
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Creative employment
So, I'm currently unemployed. In reality, I'm just biding time until the exciting portions of my life begin: namely, June's trip to Eastern Europe and then getting out of Maryland and going to grad school.
Until, then, sadly, mathgimp continues to expect me to pay rent. A friend of mine knows someone who makes 6 figures as a Craigslist "prospector," so I figured "why not me?" As I build the "legitimate" portions of my self-unemployment (tutoring, editing, writing), I need short-term money. Here are my most recent creative employment ideas. The first was a bust, but I'm pretty proud of the last two.
1. Tried to get paid to take online surveys. I got overwhelmed by the 60 spam emails I got in the first hour and gave up. Kiss "nuraido@yahoo.com" goodbye forever.
2. Idea two
3. Idea three
I'm on a roll, people! Tell your friends, let me know any of your other crazy ideas, they'll be on Craigslist tonight!
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The moment you've all been waiting for...
Shortly after Halloween, four boys, including my brother and two of your absentee blog authors, embarked on the great Beard Off of 2007, and decided not to shave until January 2, 2008. I have for you, complete with picture goodness, the results of this endeavor:
So the boys were really, really hairy before New Years. 
Then, horror struck with the birth of the molestache: (h/t to Lisa!!) 
What shocks me about these pictures is the sheer variety of creepy they're able to produce with a razor. From left to right: Escaped psychopath residing in trailer park; Daniel Day Lewis/Ol'West; Turn of the century Irish pugilist/70s pedophile; and Hitler meets Charlie Chaplin.
Here are a few more: 
But just so you can sleep tonight, here's the cutest picture on my camera so far: two of your Maryland-based blog authors embracing
Friday, January 4, 2008
MIA
It's been awhile, I know.
I have myriad excuses, some of them good, some not so good. My good excuses are a) that I am not, at the present time, Stuck in Maryland, which gives me a reason to live beyond the blog. b) the only folks posting OR commenting these days are mathgimp and I (with the occasional surprise appearance by fodder) but we all live in the same house so we can talk to each other instead of post...but then I have strange experiences...like on New Years where multiple people come up to me to tell me they read the blog daily, and miss the frequent updates. So, absentee HONers, you are missed.
Regardless, I have an amazing photo series to publish sometime in the very near future - I'm just waiting on an email to make it complete. Other than that, Austin is wonderful. I had dinner with a friend I hadn't seen in three years - I predicted we'd only last an hour, and we spent four and a half discussing Nietzsche, politics, and rhetorical theory. You may had died of boredom, but I was in heaven.
And, of course, the Iowa caucus was tonight. I predicted Obama and Huck for first (although those words are appearing all over ze interveb, it's true for me). I find the Clinton/Edwards tie somewhat fascinating...the way the media will spin this (devastating loss for Clinton? strong finish for Edwards? air of inevitability for Obama?) will be interesting...just so long as we don't start rehearsing "President Huckabee." Now that's some scary shit.
Alright bedtime for me, and then pictures to follow soon. I love and miss you all.
me
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Non-gay animal post
Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I apologize for my roommates. It was worse to watch than it was to read, I can assure you.
Today I thought I was going blind for a few hours - blurry, double vision, etc. And then mathgimp saved the day by forcing me to drink gallons of water to prove I was not going blind, but merely dehydrated. In the interim, I decided that, were I to go blind, I would like a helper monkey. Upon regaining my eyesight, I discovered Helping Hands, a wonderful organization (with video!) that trains and provides helper monkeys. The monkeys go to college in Boston! ..sadly, (for my dream) they're for the mobility-impaired, not the blind, but it's still damn cute and pretty neat! Fodder informed me that's how Planet of the Apes started...but we realized we were OK with that.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Merry Christmas from Larry Craig...
This is from our lovely lurker Jstew {or, as the cool bloggers would say h/t JS! [I recently learned that h/t stands for hat tap. I'm sure most people have known that for awhile, but sometimes I'm NSB (Not So Bright)]}.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Name this tune: "I don't ever wanna feel, like I did that day."
Thing numero uno: The Russians are crafty, identity stealing sons of bitches. Some of you may remember the awkwardness that ensued earlier this year when I a) googled the name of a former love of my life b) found out that his full name, credit card number, home address, and SSN were on some random Russian website, along with hundreds of other American's information, and c) the amazingly uncomfortable email I felt obliged to write that went something like..."Hey...we haven't talked in a bunch of years...I was google-stalking you...the Russians are selling your identity on line...hope all is well. Kisses!" All's well that ends well.
But now, they have a new tactic: preying on people looking for love in all the wrong e-places. Be careful, kids - your Russian bride might also just your wallet.
Thing numero dos: Torture is very serious and shouldn't happen and the CIA shouldn't have destroyed those tapes etc. However, here's what Newsweek has to say: "In addition to waterboarding, [bad] Zubaydah was subjected to sleep deprivation [bad] and bombarded with blaring rock music by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. One agent was so offended he threatened to arrest the CIA interrogators..." [huh??] So the Roller Coaster of Love and Californication is on par with waterboarding? If we're going to "torture" people with music, how about Megadeath? or Pantara? or Yani?
I actually have some torture-related advice for the CIA. Just borrow Mathgimp's iPod next time you want to go the music route. You'll have people confessing in a hot second... but come on. We can do better than the Chili Peppers, people.
G'night. Much love.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Yes Means Yes!
This is a bit unusual for the blog, but I thought it was really neat. It's a call for submissions for a sex-positive, anti-rape anthology. Anyone interested?
CALL FOR SUMBISSIONS: Yes Means Yes!
Co-editors Jaclyn Friedman and Jessica Valenti are seeking submissions for
their anthology on rape culture, Yes Means Yes!, to be published by Seal
Press in Fall 2008.
Imagine a world where women enjoy sex on their own terms and aren't shamed
for it. Imagine a world where men treat their sexual partners as
collaborators, not conquests. Imagine a world where rape is rare and swiftly
punished.
Welcome to the world of Yes Means Yes.
Yes Means Yes! will fly in the face of the conventional feminist wisdom that
rape has nothing to do with sex. We are looking to collect sharp and
insightful essays, from voices both established and new, that demonstrate
how empowering female sexual pleasure is the key to dismantling rape
culture.
Potential essay subjects could include;
* Revamping how public sex education is taught, and to whom.
* The new backlash against rape survivors ( i.e., media obsession with
drinking, Girls Gone Wild culture being to blame for assault)
* Bringing men back into the conversation, making men leaders in the
movement to end rape culture
* Thoughts on "enthusiastic consent"
* Taking Back the Porn: How changing the pornography industry can stop
rape
* The power of language (naming rape for what it is, or the new myth of
" gray rape " )
* A primer for men on sexual assault
* How good sex (where women ' s pleasure is central) can mean an end to
rape culture
* Rethinking sexual interaction as a private joint performance, as
opposed to as an exchange of a commodity or service
* On pulling out the invisible lynchpin of rape culture: homophobia
* Creating accurate media representations of rape
Women and men, published and unpublished authors, are all encouraged to
submit essays. Be creative, be forward-thinking, be funny! Perhaps most
importantly, we are seeking essays with a pro-active bent that offer new and
insightful thoughts and actions on how to dismantle rape culture. No more
No Means No, let's think " Yes Means Yes! "
SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:
Please submit your essays to
yesmeansyes2008@gmail.com no later than March
1, 2008.
Essays should be from 2000 to 5000 words, double spaced and paginated.
Please include your address, phone number, email address and a short bio.
We regret to say that because of the expected volume of responses, we will
only be responding to those whose essays are planned for inclusion in the
book. Thanks for understanding!
Friday, December 7, 2007
New blog alert etc
Shadow Boxer commented about this a few weeks ago, but he has a new blog filled with smart, edgy media criticism. He wants some love, so you should check it out. There's also a link on the sidebar.
Smed arrives back in these United States in three days, according to my calculations... I return to the third coast in exactly 2 weeks.
We had our first snow day, which was lovely. Even the Burger King in CP looked pretty. This state lures you in by being pretty with the leaves changing and the snow and the what not.
What else is going on, people? It's been strangely quiet lately. Almost too quiet.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Holiday movie goodness
I love Christmas movies! Last night, I watched Charlie Brown's Christmas and a Muppet's Christmas Carol. This evening, roommate Sarah and I started with Miracle on 34th Street (my favorite movie of all time), and now we're watching Holiday Inn, which was lovely until the disturbing black face musical number.
How bout y'all - what are you favorite Holiday movies?
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Late night Internet goodness
I know we're all sleepy and fresh off vacation, but there's a wacky world of weirdness out there, people! HON readers deserve to know!
Most of these are admittedly stolen from fark and other news ags.
Reason 7,941 I'm glad I don't have children is right here - this thing CRAWLS IN FROM THE FOREST to sleep with their child. If you stare at the picture long enough, it's almost adorable and then...back to eeeew.
Who knew that North Korea could make me thankful for CRS? This this article sure did. If you get executed firing squad style for making a few phone calls, imagine what they'd do to you for blogging. And my man Kim Jong Il looks like he's at a concert. There's something Christopher Walkenesque to him. Except someone died. For making a few calls. Damn.
This is nothing new, but don't believe what you see.
In happier news, here's what to get Fodder for his wedding. We can all chip in. Especially if we're as smart as this woman.
Guten Nacht, mein freund.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Short on Christmas ideas?
All of your holiday presents are coming from here.
For Ms. Dorki, the partier, we have radiation condoms. For That Guy, who always has a sweet tooth: delicious uranium ice cream. For Mathgimp and Joey, my scientists, the Atomic Energy Lab toy. For Ms. Smed, we have radium beauty cream. Data Nerdette's all in to eastern healing, so for her the radioactive health balls. I don't have any artist friends, but when I find them, they will recieve a radium paint kit.
Know the best part? These gifts are so good, I don't have to go shopping for you next year! Or ever again.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Win for science?
Blah blah blah the political implications don't astound me. Even if skin stem cells can cure disease, we could cure more by opening up the embryonic line to federal funding as well. But, my scientists and science writers, is this
as big of a deal as it's portrayed to be? Enlighten me.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Glorious insults...
This from Fodder, our absentee blogger (and roommate) who is too busy being engaged to give HON much love these days. He says: "These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words." Too fuckin right. Here's my favorite, and then the rest of after the jump.
-Paul Keating
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my
husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy."
-Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure."
-Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary."
-William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
-Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading
it."
-Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
-Abraham Lincoln
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends"
-Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend....if you have one."
-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
-Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
-Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-Samuel Johnson
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
-Jack E. Leonard
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
-Thomas Brackett Reed
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
-Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-Groucho Marx
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Quick Hello
I haven't had much to say lately - I'm done with CRS, wrapping up teaching, on a 10-day Thanksgiving break. Life is good, but surprisingly uneventful.
I'm almost done watching all of the West Wing, and the best quote of the series, I think, goes to Janeane Garofalo: "you're 23 years old with a shocking lack of facial hair. Do you really want to tell a grown woman how to drink?" I laughed for like an hour.
And, on my book kick, I would like to live here. Yay book towns!
That's all.
Love
me
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Neat Book Sites
The holidays are a'comin, and books are the best presents ever. My friend Peter sent me this link a while ago, and I just got around to playing with it. You enter books you like, and it tells you what you should read next. It's pretty awesome. I tried a few different searches, and not only did books I had read and enjoyed come up based on what I put in, but also books and authors I've never heard of. For example, I put in The Time Traveler's Wife (which I love) and it recommended The Kite Runner, which I also loved, and a bunch of other books as well.
In other book related news, Powells has a neat service where they email you a bunch of different reviews as often as you want, and you can add books automatically to your wishlist. My wishlist is located here if you want to take a look =) For, you know, whatever reason =)
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
The world is a strange place
Another edition of weird shit that winds up online.... I'm not even sure what to think or how to feel about most of it. There are cows. There's sex. There's dead folk. It's kinda crazy.
First, a cow fell out of the sky in Washington State and crushed a mini van. People lived. Cow, not so much.
In Spain, there's a 95-year-old granny blogger. She sounds awesome. We now link to her blog here. Her header is: "My friends in Internet, today I am 95 years old. My name is Amelia and I was born in Muxía (A Coruña - Spain) on December the 23rd of 1911. Today it's my birthday and my grandson, who is very stingy, gave me a blog." I love it.
Also, most of you have probably heard about this, but there's an 8-limbed little girl in India who's about to be 4-limbed. Her village thinks she's a goddess. The doctors say her body ate her twin in the womb. (I thought of My Big Fat Greek Wedding...I'm a horrible, horrible person). Who knows? Maybe they're both right.
This is a little weird, but more ponderous. Short story: kids switched at birth, one is Saudi, one is Turkish. After four years, hospital realizes mistake. The parents are now going to trade kids so they get their birth child back. Once you have a four-year-old, who is a real little person with opinions and values and who can form sentences, wouldn't you want to keep the one you got? Unless your kid sucks. Then you just got a new lease on life.
In much stranger paternity news, an Israeli corpse is going to inseminate a stranger because a dead soldier's parents want grand kids.
My DC Rape Crisis Center coordinator sent out the final two articles, which just kinda piss me off. First, the stupid one, then the outrageous one. So, clearly HON is a sex-positive blog (look at Monday's posts to see just how sex-positive some of your authors are). For the most part, we're also self-proclaimed, say it loud and proud, feminists. The gist of this article: men want to have sex, women don't, women now feel empowered to say no, it's their fault relationships are being ruined.
Now, parts of the article make sense to me. People should have healthy sex lives in relationships. If both parties aren't GGG - Savage Love's "good, giving, and game" - Dan Savage you should get to look elsewhere. Maybe, maybe not. But the point is that Dan Savage, unlike the article above, puts the responsibility on both people to make - and keep - things interesting. Dr. Pam Spurr blames the feminists. Remember, feminism is what got most folks out of the missionary position, so maybe it hasn't been all bad for sex.
That being said, this article pisses me the fuck off. The ENTIRE POINT of feminism (well, feminism-as-I-see-it) is that sex can be a fun, creative act of negotiation, rather than a submissive act of procreation. Some folks (both men and women) very much like the candlelight blah blah blah thing, all the time. Some folks (both men and women) very much like the rip my clothes off blah blah blah thing, all the time. Most folks (both men and women) like a little of both. The notion that every woman is secretly waiting to be raped, and will be unsatisfied until that's fulfilled, is idiotic, dangerous, and misleading.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Who's a lefty?
You may not know this, but HON is overrun with left-handeders (I believe 9), Capricorns (I believe 5), and, the most special of all, left-handed Capricorns (I believe 4). I was of course delighted to see there is finally scientific support for our south paw superiority.
Funny and very, very true
I thought of the lovely La C when I read this article. I giggled most of the way through it, because I think it's dead on, although I suspect the equally lovely Ms. Nerdette will disagree.