"Shout on Washington!'

It has come to my attention (many moons ago) that in our hyper-driven, calorie conscious millennia there remains an evil that still lurks among us undetected... and that is the nefarious water chestnutt. You know, the slightly salty, somewhat crunchy translucent items that occupy many a Chinese delicacy? My primary problem with water chestnuts is that they in no way, shape or form resemble traditional chestnutts and, therefore, should not have the benefit of sharing a name with a delicious treat whose smell is akin to delightful holiday memories and warm woolen slippers on ones socked feet.

Read more from our newest blogger on the dangers of water chestnuts after the jump (just click Read More!)

It has come to my attention (many moons ago) that in our hyper-driven, calorie conscious millennia there remains an evil that still lurks among us undetected... and that is the nefarious water chestnutt. You know, the slightly salty, somewhat crunchy translucent items that occupy many a Chinese delicacy? My primary problem with water chestnuts is that they in no way, shape or form resemble traditional chestnutts and, therefore, should not have the benefit of sharing a name with a delicious treat whose smell is akin to delightful holiday memories and warm woolen slippers on ones socked feet. Chestnutts roasting on an open fire brings a tear to my eye, and I don't even celebrate Christmas! Simply the idea of water chestnutts, however, instigates within me the same gag reflex I have at the dentist when a tongue depressor is being ritualistically shoved past my uvula. In addition, 'je deteste' water chestnutts because they seem to be space fillers for negligence on the part of Chinese-to go restaurants. Whenever I order my favorite Pick Up Stix house special chicken with vegetables I would find one (only one!) anemic, suffering piece of broccoli, a shred of baby carrot or two, and an overwhelming sea of distasteful water chestnuts! And we wonder why Americans are among the most unhealthy people on the planet...you would be obese too if instead of delicious vitamin and mineral friendly vegetables you were conned into ingesting what is likely the bastard red-headed step child of starchy potatoes! I mean, the essential nutrients are in the name....they don't push the word water ahead of chestnut for nothing! I understand our bodies are almost 75% agua, but I for one have never heard of anyone running a marathon and recharging their body by guzzling a steamy jar of floating yellowish pickled by-products. But Sarah, some friends have jostled me, the crunchiness of the water chestnutt is what makes it good!My response is then to point out that we live in a world that is not hurting for crunchy, textured, independent entities. Why, you could always chew on a piece of cardboard, or enjoy a handful of toothpicks in your mouth...guaranteed your body would thank you more than it would after eating a single wicked water chestnutt. Okay, I guess I'm being a bit hard on the lowly water chestnutt, after all it probably gets no respect from the other members of the vegetable hierarchy, but maybe if it stopped posing as a vegetable or Christmastime snack and instead admitted it's malevolent faux-potato origins it would be accepted....until, then though, join me in the campaign to stamp out water chestnutts forever! If you order Chinese food make sure to tell them you don't want water chestnutts sparking anti-american sentiment in your noodles! Tell them your body shall not be corrupted by treacherous charlatains any longer! Eat tofu! Drink water! Enjoy leafy greens! And above all, do not accept weakness on behalf of your food...instead, march on the Capitol and remind them that what this country stands for is not betrayal but recognition of our rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of nutrients!!


Kikiz