House Bill 69

In light of recent events, I am proposing a Constitutional Amendment to the House of Nerds blog. It seems to me that the name of the blog "Stuck in Maryland" is no longer entirely accurate to certain bloggers who frequent this site. In stark contrast with my strictly conservative traditionalist views, I would like to suggest that the name be changed to fit the rapidly changing social climate of America.

As we all know, many subscribers to the "Stuck in Maryland" blog have tried desperately to escape the state in which they live. I have investigated this phenomenon extensively to determine the ramifications of such desires. As the chairman of the House Committee on Un-Marylandian Activities, I have interviewed literally three people on the issue. My sources tell me that at least two bloggers have escaped the dreadful confines of Maryland and have found refuge in other states. Experts suggest that the real number could possibly be double or even triple that of what has been officially recorded, to account for bloggers who have escaped under the radar for fear of retaliation from what they call "haters." These people should not have to live in fear. They need to know that the American people are on their side. There is hope for them and they needn't fear public outlash at their desire for a better life. The best way we can show our support is by publicly changing the name of our blog to support their new lifestyle.

Yes, our name is tried and true. It is battle-tested and it has survived many a war. It is history. It is tradition. It is our culture. It is our identity. It is strong enough for a man, but pH-balanced just for a woman. But what is in a name? What good is keeping tradition if the very people who helped create the identity of the blog are alienated from it? Let us unite now to show our support of those who have followed their dreams and pursued a better life. Who will stand with me? Who will co-sponsor this bill and dare to put their name on such a public show of support? Who will be so bold? These are you brethren--and sisthren. Do it for those who have stood shoulder to shoulder with you through the blood and the sweat and the tears. Do it for future generations who may one day seek hope for their own situations. Do it for America! What better way to show your patriotism? We will stand together on the floor of the Senate as we sign this bill--freedom fries in hand--and we will forever change the way the American people view Marylandian refugees. This is a new world! God bless you. And God bless...America!

p.s. Suggestions for name change should be submitted in the comments page.