Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners

Hello, blog reader. If I'm guessing right, you're most likely a twenty-something. I also imagine that many of your friends are entering serious relationships, and many are probably getting engaged and married. And you most likely have that nagging thought in the back of your head - what if everyone finds someone - except for me??

You may have even tried to formulate some sort of safety plan - a promise with a close friend promising you'll marry each other by a certain date in a desperate attempt to prevent a lifetime of loneliness (Tommy, remember you have until 2016 until you have to settle for me). Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but if your backup plan finds some love they're going to drop you like a HOT POTATO.

But don't despair. A Dutch scientist has completed his thesis on the ultimate "Plan B" in case you never cross paths with your soul mate.

Robot marriage. That's right. People will fall in love with, marry, and possibly most importantly, fornicate with robot spouses.

You might have some trepidation about spending the rest of your life with a robot. You may have a few questions. Dr. David Levy and I have some answers for you.

Robot Marriage FAQs

This is great news! How soon can my robot and I get married??
Not so fast, my android admirer. Dr. Levy warns that it will take time for our legislation to catch up with our desires, so it will most likely take about 40 years until robot marriage is legalized. But hell, better late then never.

I'm sorry - how long is this going to take? Can you be a bit more precise?
Hey, I don't want to speculate, but if I were you, I'd get to Massachusetts around 2050.

2050! I can't hold out that long.
Well, if you can't live that long without love, and you're willing to put out before marriage, you're in luck. There are companies that already sell realistic sex dolls, and Dr. Levy notes, "...it's just a matter of adding some electronics to them to add some vibration." That shouldn't be too difficult, my dear doctor! In fact, says Henrik Christensen, founder of the European Robotics Research Network, expect robot sex by 2011. Don't worry, reader, you only have four more years of cold showers.

What exactly are the benefits to robot marriage?
I'm glad you asked! There are numerous selling points for robot marriage.

1. It may reduce human prostitution.
2. It may cause a drop in infidelity. Explains Levy, "...[i]nstead of a woman saying, 'Darling, not tonight, I have a headache,' you could get 'Darling, I have a headache, why not use your robot?'"
3. Possible reduction of pedophile activity (I'm going to leave this one alone).
4. And, the main benefit: to make people who otherwise could not get married happier.

Who can't otherwise get married?
Dr. Levy really spells it out for us: "[P]eople who find it hard to form relationships, because they are extremely shy, or have psychological problems, or are just plain ugly or have unpleasant personalities."

Is he talking about you, lonely reader? Maybe it's time to start saving up for your very own robot.

Won't it be....ahem....a little embarrassing to be married to a robot?
It doesn't take long for new courting techniques to catch on. Just think of dating sites - 20 years ago they were unheard of! Dr. L gives his scholarly assurance: "[O]nce you have a story like 'I had sex with a robot, and it was great!' appear someplace like Cosmo magazine, I'd expect many people to jump on the bandwagon."

If you have any more questions, you can read the entire article here. And a big thanks to Ms. Ruhi Lou for bringing this important news to our attention.