I love warmth. I constantly and actively seek warmth. I have accumulated along the years an extensive arsenal in my quest to keep my body at or above 98.6 degrees.
I get out my long johns around October. I have been known to wear them for weeks at a time underneath my clothes. Sometimes I wash them. I wear my skiing socks 6 months out of the year, and god knows I am not skiing 6 months out of the year. I have 6 jackets to combat varying levels of chilliness, and I choose said jackets based on daily analyses of various weather websites. The most extreme choice within the jacket hierarchy is a full-length down-filled waterproof parka. It has a hood. I have beaucoups of blankets (yes, some are electric). Drawers full of sweaters, scarfs, hats, and gloves. I really like to be warm.
And I am stepping it up a notch. The next battle in my war on cold is very specific: my arms get cold when I read, yet I become too hot (and lose my reading light) if I completely submerge myself under a blanket. Pete was perceptive about my quandary (he mainly deduced it because I said about 5 times a day, "I wish I had some blanket device to warm my arms while I read.") and invested in my latest warmth-giving product: a slanket. A slanket, if you could not deduce this, is a blanket with sleeves. It looks like this:
Peter says that I am going to look like an insane monk. I say that will only add to the appeal. However, it appears that there is an even more extreme heating product out there: the selk bag. It combines the thickness of a sleeping bag with the form of a jumpsuit. I think I'm in love.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
My Ongoing Love Affair with Warmth
Saturday, January 26, 2008
This is my life
I show Pete a picture of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, stylized by Annie Lebowitz for a Disney promotion.
Me: "Do you know who that is?"
Peter: "I don't know" He studies the picture. "Aladdin?"
Me: "No, darling. They're celebrities. What celebrities are they?"
Pete: Squints at the picture again. "I don't know. I honestly don't know."
Me: "Peter, that's Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony."
Peter: "Ohhh...ok. Ok. I mean, I don't know. How should I know? You know, I thought for a second it was that man from Pirates and the Caribbean...no, no...not Johnny Depp. The young one. What's his name? You know, Ham Sandwich...[he mumbles names of 4-5 photographers. I don't know why]...is it Freddie Prinze Junior? You know, for a second I was going to guess that the woman was Mariah Carey...Ohhh, ok. Ok. So that's J Lo. That's J Lo? That's the Lo."
Me: Sitting in stunned silence.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
My Birthday Party ended in Assault
I don't have the energy to tell the whole story yet, but here is the review that I submitted to washingtonpost.com
Psychotic Bouncers/Terrible Time
Marvin is the worst establishment I have visited in DC. I should have known it would be bad when I encountered a huge wad of spit on the banister on the way up to the bar. The staff was beyond rude, and I was appalled at how snobby and sarcastic they were to me. However, that all pales in comparison to the fact that a bouncer punched my friend in the face after my friend asked him why he was cutting to the front of the ridiculous bathroom line. Then the bouncer threw my friend down the stairs. The bouncer was arrested, and now we are considering a civil suit against the place as well. Summary: intensely crowded, overpriced drinks, potential of getting assaulted by staff. Find another place to hang out.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Vaginas Unite
So...I tried out for a role in my school's production of the Vagina Monologues, and I got a rocking part. I will present the monologue, "The Angry Vagina." Except my version of it is more neurotic and confused. Get yourself to DC on Feb. 12, 13, or 14 if you can. Below the fold are the first two paragraphs of my monologue to get you excited. Also, I showed my monologue to my grandmother and she is very concerned and wants to know if I can be recast. My grandpa loves it.
My vagina's angry. It is. It's pissed off. My vagina's furious and it needs to talk. It needs to talk about all this shit. It needs to talk to you. I mean what's the deal — an army of people out there thinking up ways to torture my poor-ass, gentle loving vagina. Spending their days constructing psycho products, and nasty ideas to undermine my pussy. Vagina Motherfuckers.
All this shit they're constantly trying to shove up us, clean us up — stuff us up, make it go away. Well, my vagina's not going away. It's pissed off and it's staying right here. Like tampons — what the hell is that? A wad of dry fucking cotton stuffed up there. Why can't they find a way to subtly lubricate the tampon? As soon as my vagina sees it, it goes into shock. It says forget it. It closes up. You need to work with the vagina, introduce it to things, prepare the way. That's what foreplay's all about. You got to convince my vagina, seduce my vagina, engage my vagina's trust. You can't do that with a dry wad of fucking cotton.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Peter van Agtmael Press Release - Issue #1
Here is the interview Pete did with a prominent photo blogger, which was also posted on PopPhoto.com.
He also started working with abcnews.com. Here is the first piece he did (an article and 2 slideshows!), and here is the slideshow that just got published.
Another blogger posted his bathroom graffiti pics, which I find really interesting.
And last but not least, here is his new website that he just got up.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Sign that I should stop living out of a suitcase
Today I wore a pair of socks on my hands in place of mittens.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
oh yeah/oh hell yeah
Pete and I exited the subway at the Penn Station stop. As we did so, I was moved to sing: "You are so beautiful, to me."
No, Pete. I am singing about a bus.
Not just any bus. The beautiful bus in the world, or as I describe it (rant) to fellow riders (strangers), "It's a gift from heaven!"
A gift from heaven it is. It is a brand new deluxe bus, with a sparkling clean bathroom. In the rear of the bus, there are 8 seats set up around tables, where you can conveniently set up your laptop. "Why would you want to set up your laptop on the bus?" you query.
BECAUSE THERE IS INTERNET ON THE BUS.
That's right, suckers. Internet on the bus. Are you beginning to weep from joy? I kind of am. What's more, they give you a bottle of water for the ride. AND it costs no more ($40 round trip) than a Chinatown or Greyhound bus.
And, the cherry on the sundae (for me, anyway) is that this very special bus drops me off in Dupont Circle, one block from my apartment.
It's really too much for me. And because I am so gracious, I will give you all the chance to start your own special relationship with this bus line. Cherish it; it may not be here forever.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Math Gimp Look Alike!
Doesn't this guy on the right look like MathGamp?! He's from an Article about the flying spaghetti monster
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Blogs heap love on my boyfriend
These floozy blogs can flatter Pete as much as they want, but they better keep their damn hands off him. These blog posts all relate to Pete's recent story on ABC news.
- This guy says, "It's an interesting article; well worth your time."
- This guy comments on Pete's really interesting bathroom wall pictures.
- This guy is a friend of Peter's, and I really like the entry about Pete's photography because he posted some bathroom wall pictures that weren't in the ABC story.
- This prestigious photojournalism blog gave Pete a shout out.
Hilary Clinton's campaign = FEMA??
It's probably a problem that every time I read the US political news I throw up a little bit in my mouth. Deceitfulness is not confined to repugnant Republicans, sadly.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Like watching 400 consecutive car wrecks
Definitely, definitely, definitely NSFW.
I think the most appalling ones are those utilizing arm pit hair or belly buttons. You'll see. Shudder. I'm going to go lie in the fetal position now. Great, bye.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners
Hello, blog reader. If I'm guessing right, you're most likely a twenty-something. I also imagine that many of your friends are entering serious relationships, and many are probably getting engaged and married. And you most likely have that nagging thought in the back of your head - what if everyone finds someone - except for me??
You may have even tried to formulate some sort of safety plan - a promise with a close friend promising you'll marry each other by a certain date in a desperate attempt to prevent a lifetime of loneliness (Tommy, remember you have until 2016 until you have to settle for me). Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but if your backup plan finds some love they're going to drop you like a HOT POTATO.
But don't despair. A Dutch scientist has completed his thesis on the ultimate "Plan B" in case you never cross paths with your soul mate.
Robot marriage. That's right. People will fall in love with, marry, and possibly most importantly, fornicate with robot spouses.
You might have some trepidation about spending the rest of your life with a robot. You may have a few questions. Dr. David Levy and I have some answers for you.
Robot Marriage FAQs
This is great news! How soon can my robot and I get married??
Not so fast, my android admirer. Dr. Levy warns that it will take time for our legislation to catch up with our desires, so it will most likely take about 40 years until robot marriage is legalized. But hell, better late then never.
I'm sorry - how long is this going to take? Can you be a bit more precise?
Hey, I don't want to speculate, but if I were you, I'd get to Massachusetts around 2050.
2050! I can't hold out that long.
Well, if you can't live that long without love, and you're willing to put out before marriage, you're in luck. There are companies that already sell realistic sex dolls, and Dr. Levy notes, "...it's just a matter of adding some electronics to them to add some vibration." That shouldn't be too difficult, my dear doctor! In fact, says Henrik Christensen, founder of the European Robotics Research Network, expect robot sex by 2011. Don't worry, reader, you only have four more years of cold showers.
What exactly are the benefits to robot marriage?
I'm glad you asked! There are numerous selling points for robot marriage.
1. It may reduce human prostitution.
2. It may cause a drop in infidelity. Explains Levy, "...[i]nstead of a woman saying, 'Darling, not tonight, I have a headache,' you could get 'Darling, I have a headache, why not use your robot?'"
3. Possible reduction of pedophile activity (I'm going to leave this one alone).
4. And, the main benefit: to make people who otherwise could not get married happier.
Who can't otherwise get married?
Dr. Levy really spells it out for us: "[P]eople who find it hard to form relationships, because they are extremely shy, or have psychological problems, or are just plain ugly or have unpleasant personalities."
Is he talking about you, lonely reader? Maybe it's time to start saving up for your very own robot.
Won't it be....ahem....a little embarrassing to be married to a robot?
It doesn't take long for new courting techniques to catch on. Just think of dating sites - 20 years ago they were unheard of! Dr. L gives his scholarly assurance: "[O]nce you have a story like 'I had sex with a robot, and it was great!' appear someplace like Cosmo magazine, I'd expect many people to jump on the bandwagon."
If you have any more questions, you can read the entire article here. And a big thanks to Ms. Ruhi Lou for bringing this important news to our attention.
Exciting times from south of the border
Over the course of two days, I watched a four-hour documentary about Mormons. When one has innumerable hours at one's disposal, one fills them in sometimes baffling ways.
My interest was piqued because I attended a Mormon funeral in August (Stephanie's funeral). The movie was actually really good, and now I feel edified concerning most things Mormon.
For instance, did you know that the Mormons have built a huge vault in Utah inside a mountain containing about 2 billion names? They are trying to make a complete list of every dead person. This is because they believe that you can be baptized into the Mormon faith after death. A (living) Mormon acts as a proxy and gets baptized 20 times in a row or so in the name of 20 dead people. Then, claim the Mormons, the dead person has the opportunity to accept or reject the Mormon faith. They're pretty much trying to get anyone they may have missed converting on Earth. This process sparked a lot of controversy when Holocaust survivors found out that the Mormons were posthumously trying to baptize people who got killed in the Holocaust. Now the Mormons make it a point to baptized every dead person except for Jews.
If you want to watch a Mormon documentary, and so much more (which I'm sure you do), go here. PBS's Frontline is kind enough to post many full-length documentaries online. All together now: "Thanks PBS!"
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Time to start thinking of holiday gifts...
The perfect gift for anyone old or young. Or named Sarah.
Description: Printed on strong, thick, medium glossy paper, the helmet consists of 19 parts, on four A4 sheets, which need cutting out, folding and glueing together. With an inside circumference of ca. 63 cm (24.8 inches) it should be large enough for even most adult heads. For children using cotton wool, or other material as wadding should help with the fitting of the helmet to the smaller head.
My boyfriend is awesome
Good work, Pete!
Be sure to look at the slideshow. He has spent a lot of time working with ABC (not to mention risking his life to take the pics) to make this a quality story.
Run-in with the most pathetic would-be robber in B.A.
I have lived an robber-free life ever since my bicycle was snatched from the neighborhood pool one afternoon when I was 10. Sadly, this streak ended yesterday.
I was walking down the street in my neighborhood, in the middle of the afternoon, minding my own business. I was reading a book, which I am apt to do while I am walking. Nonchalantly, a guy about my age approached me from behind and started strolling with me.
I thought I was about to get hit on. Turns out the only hitting would be done by me. He had his hand stuck under his jacket, and he says to me, ever-so-casually (and in Spanish of course): "I have a gun under my jacket. Don't say anything, just give me all your money."
I was stunned, but I was also 98% sure that he didn't have a gun under his close-fitting jacket. I stammered (in Spanish), "I'm sorry, what are you talking about?" He thought I just hadn't heard him, correctly, so he repeated his spiel. To simplify matters, he slowly said, "Give me the money in your bag" while pointedly jabbing at my bag.
I said, very politely, "I'm sorry, I don't understand anything that you're saying." He stared at me in disbelief, and he finally realized that I was a foreigner and very likely could not understand anything he was saying. Apparently this complicated things a bit too much for him, or maybe he just had a sense of humor, because my would-be robber cracked up and tried to pat me on the back. At this point, I was disgusted by the whole interaction, and I hit his arm to get him off of me (I know, probably not the smartest thing for me to do).
Surprised, he backed off and hopped onto a bus. This guy is such a scum bag. Apparently his schtick is to walk around in the middle of the day, in nice neighborhoods, targeting women walking by themselves. All in all, the whole thing really pissed me off, but unfortunately this is one of the sad consequences of a country in the middle of such massive economic problems. Luckily, my accent was bad enough to save me from harm.
Breaking News!
Hey, we're not doing so hot with that Iraq War, but by God, you can chalk up that pesky War on Drugs as officially WON by the US of A. Take THAT, terror! God bless you, Ronald Reagan!!
Monday, October 1, 2007
Suicide via Llamas
Pete and I went on a tour during our Chile vacation that was...not...very...enjoyable.
We went on a tour in northern Chile that promised us a view of the Chilean desert and amazing geysers. The downside was that it was going to start at 4 in the morning and last till noon. But hell, they were going to give us breakfast and I had never seen a geyser! Pete was less than enthused, but I insisted that we go on the Great Geyser Excursion. Here is a breakdown of our day.
3:30AM Alarm goes off. Pete almost convinces me to go back to sleep. I am excited about geysers and push him out of bed.
4:00AM We go and wait for the van to pick us up. It is dark and cold.
4:15AM We wonder where the van is.
4:30AM We discuss going back to bed.
4:40AM Van arrives 40 minutes late. Driver announces to sleep if we can, because it is a two hour drive and it's not going to be very comfortable.
4:45AM I discover the road is so bad I am thrown up into the air several inches every three seconds or so. No sleep will be had.
5:15AM Pete's stomach is upset, and the road (or lack thereof) is not helping the situation. The day does not appear to be promising.
6:15AM We arrive at the geysers park. I am silently thankful that neither Pete nor I were carsick.
6:16AM The two ugly prune-faced German women ("The Prunes") who have been sitting in front of us get up to exit the vehicle. One of them flings back her arm rest into my thigh. It hurts.
6:20AM We disembark from tour bus to find out that it is 0 degrees Fahrenheit. I'm wearing jeans, a jacket, and sneakers covered in hearts.
6:30AM We take a look at the geysers. Are you picturing Old Faithful? No, no. They are little bubbling holes in the ground. There's lots of steam coming from them because it's flipping 0 degrees.
6:30AM My feet feel tingly and hurt from the cold.
6:32AM I start laughing uncontrollably and wrap my scarf around my head. Yes, this is captured on video. See Pete for tape.
6:34AM I decide that geysers aren't very interesting. Still laughing strangely and feeling alienated from the tour group, who all seem fascinated by looking at geyser after geyser.
6:40AM I go back to wait in the van until people are done looking at geysers.
7:00AM Breakfast is served. Breakfast is stale fruitcake, salami slices on Bimbo bread, and powdered coffee.
7:20AM Pete decides to go take one more look around. On the way out, he tries to make a joke by flinging the armrest onto my thigh a la the Prunes.
7:21AM I burst out in tears from the exhaustion and the sudden armrest-to-thigh pain.
7:22AM Pete feels really bad. It's ok, Pete. It would have been funny if it wasn't 7:22AM.
7:45AM We get back on the "road."
7:46AM Guide makes a short announcement. (Guide is terrible and not informative in the least, by the way). One of the Prunes sharply "SSSSSSHHHHHHes" Pete. Pete is insulted by the Prune's sub-par communication skills.
9:00AM We arrive at a different geyser location. Prunes exit, and in the process, fling the armrest onto Pete's thigh. It hurts.
9:01AM These geysers look very similar to the original geysers. However, there is a hot spring bath at this location. Unfortunately, it is lukewarm. The day has warmed up to a balmy 30 degrees F.
9:30AM Pete and I find a hot spot in the bath and decide to get in. This part was actually pretty fun. There were 3 old people who would jump out of the water and squeal whenever they got hit with a particularly hot current. Also, another older man accidentally mooned the crowd and got a big applause for it.
9:50AM Time to leave the hot springs. I have to get dressed behind a wall in the below freezing weather. I shouldn't have laughed at the man who mooned everyone.
10:00AM Back on the "road." wooooot.
10:10AM We see llamas. Llamas are neat. A Prune insists we stop the van. Llamas are not stop-the-van neat.
10:30AM We see flamingos swimming. Flamingos are very neat. A Prune insists we stop the van. Flamingos are not stop-the-van neat.
10:45AM We see ducks. Ducks are not very neat. A Prune insists we stop the van. Ducks are definitely not stop-the-van neat.
11:00AM We stop at a native "village" consisting of about 10 little houses. Prunes armrest us on the way out. I pay eighty cents to use the bathroom and buy Pete and I fried cheese empanadas. My cheese empanada turns out to be the second-best part of the whole day.
11:10AM Pete wanders off towards the desert threatening suicide via llama. I don't know what it means, but I am worried. Things are grim.
11:15AM I meet the CUTEST CHILD IN THE WORLD, who lives in this tiny village. I will post some pictures and you will understand what I mean. He and I chat for a while about the pictures he is drawing, and I am smitten. If his mother had been very ill and unable to care for the child, I would have taken him back with me to the United States and raised him. This is not a joke. I asked him how old he was, and he said three. Then he said (in Spanish of course), "Wait, wait. I need to ask mom. Mom, how old am I?" "You're 4, dear." "Oh right. I'm 4." I desperately searched through my bag for something to give him. All I had was a highlighter. I gave it to him, and he was absolutely delighted.
11:40AM Pete drags me away from the child because it's time to move on to the next location. I kiss the child and call him an angel. "That's kind of weird, Sarah," Pete says.
11:41AM Van time. I am relieved because I think this 8-hour hellacious experience is going to end soon.
12:00PM Tour is scheduled to end at this time. Guide announces that as our last activity, we are going to go on a one-hour hike in the desert to look at cacti.
12:01PM Pete and I stare at each other in disbelief and terror.
12:02PM Prune armrests me.
12:03PM We start trudging through the desert.
12:20PM Pete and I realize that it's not that enjoyable to look at cacti in the middle of the desert at noon. We leave our tour group (who we have completely alienated ourselves from) and return to the van to wait out the cactus viewing portion of the program.
1:00PM One hour behind schedule, the van embarks for San Pedro, our starting point. I'm really hungry.
1:30PM Pete gets the final brunt from the Prunes' armrest rage.
Now look, I realize what you might be thinking. Something along the lines about how I am a spoiled brat who should enjoy tours in Chile even if she is cold and on an uncomfortable road. But you know what? You can go to hell. I do like seeing amazing sights, even if it is a bit uncomfortable. But these were not amazing sights, and it was a step beyond uncomfortable. Everyone in our group appeared to be a bit demoralized and unhappy upon reaching the end of this really, really long day.
One other thing did make me happy (besides the empanada and the child). We got off and I said goodbye to the terrible guide who had made little to zero effort to drag this awful experience even a little bit out of the sludge. "Do you know about the guidebook 'Lonely Planet?" I asked him. "Yes, I do," he said, suddenly interested in speaking to me. "Well, I am a writer from Lonely Planet. Now I have to write a review of your tour." He seemed taken aback. "I hope it's a good one..." he responded. I said nothing and walked away.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Crossing the Andes
Pete and I had quite the time getting from Argentina to Chile.
We didn´t reserve a spot on a bus in advance; the owners of the hotel we were staying at told us that we could show up at any time because there would be buses leaving all day. Boy, were they wrong. We showed up at 9:30AM (quite proud of ourselves for the early start) to find almost every bus going to Chile left at 8:30AM. After checking with 3 different companies, to no avail, we realized that we might be in for some trouble.
Finally, approximately 9-10 companies later, we found a minibus company that sold us 2 tickets to Santiago, Chile (it wasn´t even the destination we wanted, but at that point we were too desperate to care). It turned out that our seats were up front with the driver. Cozy, to say the least, and definitely the best view of the house.
When we were pulling out, the woman who sold us the tickets ran out, and said something really fast in Spanish to me, and then the Spanish version of OK GREAT BYE!
I got her to repeat it, and I finally figured out that she wanted us to share our two seats with someone else - she said not to worry because it would be a small boy. The entire trip Pete and I were on the look out for the mystery niño who apparently was going to sit on our laps through the Andes. It turned out a 12 year old kid did get on the minibus in Chile, but we made him sit on the floor (sorry niño).
Although I was slightly terrified of the driving (the entire road through the Andes only has one lane on each side, and our driver loooooved the blind pass technique), the trip was absolutely beautiful. The Argentine side of the Andes was covered in snow, and the weather couldn´t have been better.
The border was both pretty annoying (long lines) but also amusing. The Chileans were really, really serious about not letting foreign fruits and vegetables into their country. They had trained dogs crawling around everywhere on the veggie alert! They chose Pete´s bag as a ´practice´ for one of the dogs. I guess he looked innocent (read: he looked like a gringo). A border guard cut an apple in half, took a big bite out of it, and shoved it under Pete´s bag. Then they set the dog loose, the entire line watching expectedly. The dog, a golden retriever, pranced about happily through the luggage. He stopped for a minute above Pete´s bag, gave it a sniff, and proceded to lick my hand until I pet him. Then he trotted off. Moral of the story - if you would like to bring any illicit fruits or vegetables into Chile, go for it. The dogs will be none the wiser.
Also, the 8-hour drive through the Andes was the most beautiful road trip I´ve ever taken. I give it 4 Smeds up.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Quick hello from Chile!
Peter and I successfully crossed the Andes (barely...that trip is a blog post in itself), and we´re currently in Valparaiso, Chile. It´s a beautiful city located on hills overlooking the Pacific Ocean. We´re staying in the cutest hotel with a room overlooking the port. And to get around the city you take elevators up and down the hills. Oh yeah, it also pulls on my ATX heartstrings, as there is a hippie-vibe here - vegetarian propoganda graffitied everywhere around the town. More later!