Hello, blog reader. If I'm guessing right, you're most likely a twenty-something. I also imagine that many of your friends are entering serious relationships, and many are probably getting engaged and married. And you most likely have that nagging thought in the back of your head - what if everyone finds someone - except for me??
You may have even tried to formulate some sort of safety plan - a promise with a close friend promising you'll marry each other by a certain date in a desperate attempt to prevent a lifetime of loneliness (Tommy, remember you have until 2016 until you have to settle for me). Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but if your backup plan finds some love they're going to drop you like a HOT POTATO.
But don't despair. A Dutch scientist has completed his thesis on the ultimate "Plan B" in case you never cross paths with your soul mate.
Robot marriage. That's right. People will fall in love with, marry, and possibly most importantly, fornicate with robot spouses.
You might have some trepidation about spending the rest of your life with a robot. You may have a few questions. Dr. David Levy and I have some answers for you.
Robot Marriage FAQs
This is great news! How soon can my robot and I get married??
Not so fast, my android admirer. Dr. Levy warns that it will take time for our legislation to catch up with our desires, so it will most likely take about 40 years until robot marriage is legalized. But hell, better late then never.
I'm sorry - how long is this going to take? Can you be a bit more precise?
Hey, I don't want to speculate, but if I were you, I'd get to Massachusetts around 2050.
2050! I can't hold out that long.
Well, if you can't live that long without love, and you're willing to put out before marriage, you're in luck. There are companies that already sell realistic sex dolls, and Dr. Levy notes, "...it's just a matter of adding some electronics to them to add some vibration." That shouldn't be too difficult, my dear doctor! In fact, says Henrik Christensen, founder of the European Robotics Research Network, expect robot sex by 2011. Don't worry, reader, you only have four more years of cold showers.
What exactly are the benefits to robot marriage?
I'm glad you asked! There are numerous selling points for robot marriage.
1. It may reduce human prostitution.
2. It may cause a drop in infidelity. Explains Levy, "...[i]nstead of a woman saying, 'Darling, not tonight, I have a headache,' you could get 'Darling, I have a headache, why not use your robot?'"
3. Possible reduction of pedophile activity (I'm going to leave this one alone).
4. And, the main benefit: to make people who otherwise could not get married happier.
Who can't otherwise get married?
Dr. Levy really spells it out for us: "[P]eople who find it hard to form relationships, because they are extremely shy, or have psychological problems, or are just plain ugly or have unpleasant personalities."
Is he talking about you, lonely reader? Maybe it's time to start saving up for your very own robot.
Won't it be....ahem....a little embarrassing to be married to a robot?
It doesn't take long for new courting techniques to catch on. Just think of dating sites - 20 years ago they were unheard of! Dr. L gives his scholarly assurance: "[O]nce you have a story like 'I had sex with a robot, and it was great!' appear someplace like Cosmo magazine, I'd expect many people to jump on the bandwagon."
If you have any more questions, you can read the entire article here. And a big thanks to Ms. Ruhi Lou for bringing this important news to our attention.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Planning Ahead (Hopefully way ahead)
When I die, I want my head cryogenically frozen. I hope that one day science will develop the abilities to attach my head to a robotic body and allow me to have more time on Earth. Hypothetically, I will look something like this:
(Graphic credit: Peter V.A., photoshopper extraodinaire)
Sorry to be morbid, but most people have a plan for when they die. Mine involves the possibility of living hundreds of years more. I love being alive, so why not try to keep on living?
The whole plan depends on a few factors.
First, it depends on the development of technology to reanimate brains of deceased humans. This is my biggest hurdle. I firmly believe that in 50-100 years scientists will develop the technology to greatly extend a human life. One possibly crazy scientist has dedicated his life to this pursuit. His name is Aubrey de Grey. His beard terrifies me as much as his ideas intrigue me. Although he has gotten a lot of flak from the scientific establishment, I think that it is innovators like him who will advance the science of longevity. He analogizes a human body to a car. If you can continue fixing and replacing the various parts, the machine will last forever. He suggests things such as implanting genes into humans that would pick up the junk that eventually weakens our arteries or causes cancers. I say, rock on, Aubrey.
However, it is another matter altogether to bring a severed head back to life and reattach it to a body, or in my case, to a robot. However, Alcor, located in Arizona, is willing to help me, by preserving my head until science catches up with my dreams, for a price of course.
Unfortunately for me, it is not cheap to be cryogenically frozen: it costs $80,000. So my success in achieving a cryogenically-aided afterlife depends on my success in earning money. This might be the biggest impediment, since I don’t predict I will die rich.
And of course, there is a huge chance that the investment will result in nothing. Also, Alcor might be a company just looking to rip off some rich longevity-loving people. But I won't care if either of these things are true. I'll just be a frozen head, after all.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Quick Vomit Update
Because who wouldn't want to read about vomit on a Thursday afternoon!
Our government invents some really kooky combat weapons. But I'd say this one takes the cake. It's a stun gun that you can fire at someone, causing them to lose balance in their inner ears and throw up. You know what, I am usually generally passive and peace-loving. But in this case, may I be the first to say, WAY TO GO, GOVERNMENT!
Can you imagine what it would be like to go around with a vomit phaser at bars? You could just stun anyone who was obnoxious, and hilarity would ensue. OR if you really didn't want to be at work, you could just taser yourself. Yeah, that's it...taser yourself. Because we all know that throwing up is the surest way to get sent home from work. Ain't no boss going to dispute a pile of throw-up.
Anyway, I could definitely go on about this topic at length. But I think I'm going to go vomit on my supervising attorney's feet now and skedaddle for the day.