Tragic news came to me today,
Heartbreaking, confusing, cold morning news.
And you were there,
Without asking, you were there.
You show up, always,
Support, always,
Love, always.
Kind, strong, selfless, and true,
You are a better person than me.
Your love brings tears to my eyes,
Tears I don’t deserve,
Love I’ve always dreamed of.
You are more,
You are so much more.
Ana bahebic ya habibi, ana bahebic.
Showing posts with label Dorki. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dorki. Show all posts
Monday, August 4, 2008
Because you kiss me in your sleep...
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Quote of the Century
“When we find ourselves believing that killing a man makes us more of a man, but loving a man makes us less of a man, it’s probably time to reexamine our criteria for manhood.”
So refreshing to hear a straight man say this. Jay Smooth definitely made me smile today. Check out the clip "Who is the Gay Rapper" as well as more of Jay's clever spoken word at http://www.illdoctrine.com/.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Am I a Judgmental Bastard?
Dearest HON family,
In support of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, my love (Elbows) and I took part in a Jog for Justice. This was a 5K run that raised money and support for the Office of the Victims Advocate on the University of Maryland campus. The purpose of this event was awesome! All proceeds went to the Victim Assistance Fund to help pay for victims' medical needs and mental health appointments. So we were pretty jazzed, because you know I don’t run unless someone is chasing my ass.
Anyways, we got there early, registered, and put on our matching Jog for Justice t-shirts. As we were waiting, Elbows and I took notice of the music blasting through the speakers…actually the phrase “bitches get low” kinda caught my attention. Song after song, I grew increasingly angry. It was all rap, not good rap, no, the “slap your ho, suck my (fill in the blank)” garbage, sexist, misogynistic kind of rap. At first, my optimistic Elbows thought they might be trying to prove a point, as they purposefully skipped over an awesome Matisyahu song. We quickly learned this was not the case, since they played a couple good songs and then returned to the hateful shit. I wanted to scream, “This is a fu*&ing event AGAINST sexual assault! Who the hell is in charge of the music, and why are they here?!?” (I’m getting pissed off just writing this).
Soon, groups of sorority and fraternity kids started arriving at the tent, all wearing shirts and shorts sporting their Greek letters. A couple guys, and even a girl, were all wearing shirts that read “Jungle Jiggle” with a caricature of two girls with bid boobs wrestling (I guess all their other Alpha Delta Asshole shirts were dirty). I don’t know exactly what bothered me the most…the lack of Jog for Justice shirt wearers, the girls shaking their asses to the insulting music, the frat dudes eating all the pizza and bagels, the other frat dudes taking pictures with their frat flag with the parking lot (instead of the Victims Advocate tent) as the backdrop, or the certainty I felt that none of them donated to the cause.
I am certain that the majority of those kids came for the free food, drinks, and socializing. I wouldn't be surprised if some douchenozzle woke his fraternity up by telling them that girls talking about their pu*%ies were gathering by the parking lot with free food. Ok, see, I am being a judgmental bastard, but the whole thing looked like a publicity stunt. Everyone knows that the rate of sexual assault within the Greek system is horribly shocking, and I’m sure there’s a great deal of pressure on these organizations to fix “the problem.” However, I believe they think “the problem” is their image. These kids did not act like they cared about the event; they just wanted to put on their website that they participate in Sexual Assault Awareness Month, it looks good.
I do not like the Greek system, I think they serve no purpose and I think they are dangerous. At one time, I had hope that these were philanthropic organizations where students found friends with similar interests. I do not believe those types of sororities or fraternities exist anymore. I do not understand how countless women have been encourage, and at times threatened, to hide their rape in the best interest of the Greek system. I do not know when this will stop. I wasn't expecting these kids to be as sympathetic to the issues surrounding sexual assault as Elbows and I are. They are young and they don't know anything. I just don't think it's that difficult to donate some money and pretend like you give a shit.
Signing off,
A Judgmental Bastard
Feminists are Funny...all the time!
This is one of the funniest posts I've read in a long time. Some dumbass sent in hate mail to the feministing blog, from his college email. What happens when you piss off a group of strong women? They look you up and put all your shit, including your asshole myspace picture, on the web for all the lovely readers of feministing to see. Alex Kochno, I'm sure you've made Southern Illinois University very proud.
http://feministing.com/archives/009027.html
Friday, March 28, 2008
For my Lawyer Friends
Larry H. Parker has nothing on Melanie Berliet! In her compelling defense of Adam and Eve, Berliet claims extortion on the part of, you guessed it, the Almighty. She fights, she claws, she wins!
"Humanity at Large asks not for monetary compensation. They do, however, ask for the right to premarital relations without guilt, or the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, especially herpes. Humanity also posits that the sacrament of marriage be redefined as a union between any two beings wanting to make such a commitment to one another, including alpacas."
Read more at:
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2008/3/27berliet.html
Monday, February 25, 2008
Oh Canada, Why Canada?
My dears, if you know me, you are aware of my hunka-hunka burning love for all things Canada. You will then understand the shock and sadness I am experiencing after reading this troubling story. I came across a blog on feministing.com (GREAT website...check out the blurb on Miki Fujiwara's Art for Change, she's rad!) that talked about docs in Canada refusing to perform paps on unmarried women. Currently, these dangerous decisions are backed by a "conscience clause," established by the Canadian Medical Association. The clause protects physicians from making decisions that go against their personal beliefs, giving them the freedom to refuse birth control, abortions, and, I guess, preventative pap smears to anyone. Here's the link to the full story on the Reproductive Health Reality Check website (can someone show me how to replace full websites like the one below with words like "link" or "pap" that take you straight to the story?)...
http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2008/02/06/abnormal-paps-pap-smears-doctors-refusing-canada
Friday, February 8, 2008
I Wasn't Eaten By Chipmunks!
I received a frantic voicemail from one of my dear friends yesterday, wondering if dirty little chipmunks had taken me away and had me for supper. I realized that I had a duty, to set the record straight for my compadres. That's right my beloved dumplings of the blogosphere, I am alive. I come to you, with my little Azerbaijanian head down, begging for you to take me home. I have been thinking about you my precious, a lot. I missed your laughs, your warmth, and the way your belly hairs curl when you smile. But alas, we are united again, and I come with some news. I'm pregnant...Is Nuraido on the floor? Ok, no I'm not pregnant, and no I'm not getting married, and no I'm not a pony in disguised (sorry Mathgimp). The big news is that I am officially free from the shackles that were my comprehensive exams. That ugly beast, that sucked the life out of me for the past month, is gone! You would have been proud, I poured my munchkin heart out for those cretins for 3 damn hours, and now I'm feeling like butta! Ok, onto politics. OOOH, sidenote, when did Politico become so popular? Every news channel turns to them as the source for all things USA. Anywho, Obama is speaking at UMD on Monday, the 11th, at 12:30pm, and the doors open at 10:30am. It's free and it's probably gonna be a madhouse, so if you're interested we could meet up early on campus and roll together, might be cool. Well my precious, I have to return to my coffee and Wheat Thins, but know that you are on my mind and I'm just a phone call away. PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST!
Monday, November 5, 2007
Fetish? Secret Obsession? Yes please...
Good morning my darling bloggers. Leave it up to your sweet sweet Dorki (you likeee the name changeee?) to begin our morning with a discussion about fetishes. On my way to work this morning, I found myself staring at a man next to me in traffic picking his nose like a wild animal. Clearly, I was loving every moment of it. I couldn't take my eyes off this man who seemed so at peace finger-deep in booger heaven. And at this moment I realized, my goodness, I am obsessed with boogers! I love the s#*t out of boogers(I'm trying to cut back on swearing)! I don't so much pick my own nose as I do other people's. What drives me even wilder than boogers themselves are the reactions I get when I dive at people's noses. No one sees it coming, it's awesome! My other fetish, I like to "accidentally" grab Nuraido's boobs. I pretty much do it every time I see her fine ars. And now, I'm noticing other perverts like me and their little fetishes. I have a new friend (we will call him "Elbows") who has a thing for, you guesses it, elbows! He basically plans his day according to how many elbow skins he can pinch and play with on perfect strangers. He's been seen frolicking the DMV and public bath houses. Ok, that's a lie, he is actually as uncreepy as Mathgimp. He just thinks elbow skins are fun to pull at, especially on old people because, and I quote him, "their skin stands up for hours!" Bravo to Elbows for his honesty. So my loves, I am humbly requesting your best, most foul, most intriguing fetish admissions and self incriminations. The blog is a safe space children, don't be afraid. GO ELBOWS!!!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
NO SKINNY PIGS!!!!
Yup, I was right, google had nothing for me on "skinny pigs" or "underweight pigs" or even "svelte pigs". The only photos that came up were photos of guinea pigs and Mary Kate Olsen... that's really quite sad. The challenge is on the table for anyone who's brave enough.
What I've Learned in this Morning's News
Good morning kids, here's what's going on in the world today:
The Iowa Department of Revenue has decided to tax jack-o-lanterns, stating that people are using them for decoration instead of food. Aren't they pumpkins before they're jack-o-lanterns? Pumpkins are food, I just had a pumpkin for breakfast!
A woman in Minnesota may be suing her pet sitter, claiming that the pet sitter made her pig fat... I didn't know pigs could be un-fat... hmmm, gonna search the web for svelte pigs, I'll get back to you.
A northern city in China has banned "seductive" marriage ads in order to reduce fraud (yeah, I don't get it either). Advertisers are banned from using such sexy words as "foxy lady" (instant pantie-dropper) and "moneybags" (I'm taking off my clothes as we speak).
You may check out more glorious stories at: http://mistupid.com/news/index.php
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Guess Who's Ugly?
According to a recent poll, we are! Yes my disgusting friends, an article posted today on yahoo ranked Philly, DC, and Dallas as having the most unattractive, least friendly, and all around shittiest people. My question for you, are we all guilty by association? All of us are connected to PA, DC, and TX in one way or another. Here's to being revolting!!! Read more at... http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20071022/od_nm/philadelphia_unattractive1_dc
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
For My Ladies, and My Guys (we don't discriminate)
Ladies, gentlemen, what's the deal? It seems as though something might be in the water, or the moon is changing, or global warming is finally effecting our psyche. Why you ask? Because so many of my beautiful, intelligent, and kick-ass friends are giving up on love. In the past few weeks, the phrases "boys are stupid" and "girls are lame" have appeared numerous times in emails and text messages sent to me and in many conversations I have had with my anonymous pals.
Yes, I recognize that I too am a jaded 20 something, and yes I am guilty of thinking that boys are stupid on a regular basis, but kids, I'm ready for a change. No longer am I gonna bitch about how 2 different men I dated stole from me (if you read this, I think you suck, both of you SOB's), nor am I gonna continue to make fun of the guy who honestly thought he had a chance of sleeping with me by telling me that I have no ass and that my nose reminds him of the "who's" from "The Grinch" (ok, you are an idiot and no woman wants to sleep with you).
My darlings, you are looking at a woman in the process of change, and I'm bringing you with me! So here's what we're gonna do. I want you to each think of something positive a man or woman has recently done that changed your mind about the opposite sex or gave you a glimmer of hope that not all people out there are heartless bastards. If someone made you smile, or laugh, or orgasm, I want to hear about it!
Ok, I'll start. My friend Eggie gave me a birthday present for my dog Jasper, who turned 6 years old last week. This was one of the most thoughtful gesture ever done for me. Eggie gives me hope that genuine men exist in the world. Nice guys are gonna finish first!!!!!
Alright my friends, don't be shy, show me what you got. Let's try to stop hating eachother for at least a day.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Too Much Tongue
In a 2 hour presidential debate, Fred Thompson darted his tongue approximately 68 times. Someone needs to tell crazy ole' Freddie that lizards can't run for President.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Looking out for Mother Earth
Congratulations to Al Gore and the U.N.'s Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change for winning the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize. Gore commented, "We face a true planetary emergency. The climate crisis is not a political issue, it is a moral and spiritual challenge to all of humanity." I couldn't have said it better myself.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Happy Birthday Handsome!!!!
I am sending out the biggest Happy Birthday wish to the boy I love the most in this world. For the past six years, he has stuck by my side through thick and thin and loves me no matter what I look like in the morning or how much money I make or whether or not I've figured out what I want to do with my life. In my eyes, he's perfect. He is always cheery, he never gets mad at me, and he makes me laugh everytime I look at him. So Happy Birthday to you baby Jasper, my adorably plump puppy, who turns 6 years old today. He's officially the cutest boy in the 1st grade.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Do people have nothing else to worry about?
Dearest Bloggers,
I ask you, does the sight of a woman in a short skirt offend you to the point where you feel you can't be in the same vicinity as her? Well, supposedly the idiots that answered yes to that question were on a Southwest flight to Arizona a couple days ago. I want you to check out the link and tell me how on earth this is ok. This poor girl wants only an apology from the asshole airline... I say clean them out sister!!! http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/20638479/from/ET/
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Could it be? Is it she?
That's right kids, I give in. I come to you in submission, bowing down to the blogging goddess who has so loving taken me into her dirty dirty grasp. Why have I resisted her temptations for so long you ask? Pure fear. Fear that I would become exactly what I am right now. A wart on the derriere of society, sitting at her desk, inhaling a box of wheat thins, avoiding the mundane work that she should be doing. So I surrender, since putting around on the computadora is clearly more fun than writing a cognitive evaluation.
So let's chat. How are you? Heard any good jokes lately? Ok, I suck at this. Who exactly am I blogging too? Is this some sort of online diary, and if so, why are people allowed to read it? This breaks the cardinal diary rule. I do not understand your twisted little world blog! I'm sorry, I don't mean to get testy, it's just that I have a so much to tell you yet I'm afraid of how you will react. Will you reject me blog, will you tell me I'm not good enough and that I write like a five year old, will you hate me if I don't know the headline of today's Washington Post (never mind, I do, Pavarotti died, that's actually pretty shitty).
Oh dearest blog, you and I, my sweet sweet friend, should take our relationship slow. I mean, really, do you expect to know all my deepest thoughts on our first encounter. Patience my sweet, patience, it will all come out eventually. A little taste you ask? Ok, here it goes... I have a weakness for peg legs, adult braces, crazy looking professors, and tofu. My big plans include ridding the world of carrots because they are disgusting, adopting a Mongolian yak because their milk is liquid gold, and moving my crew to Vancouver where nerds like us roam free. Are you satisfied blog? Oh blog, I think you and I have a whole future of love and admiration ahead of us. Get excited, cuz mama's home!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)