--nuraido keeps trying to help (even when I don't let her).
--rhonda always has an awesome story to tell when she stops by.
--smed writes hilarious blog posts, and is fundamentally adorable.
--Data Nerdette wished me luck of of the blue.
--Emily complimented me out of the blue.
--Ressa reminds me of life when I was in theatre.
--April showed up once when I needed someone to show up.
--Roommate Sarah points out girls that think I'm hot.
--New York Sarah is just as competitive about SkeeBall as I am.
--Ani, Tori, Regina, Bjork, Ingrid, etc. are awesome.
Now updated with more rambling!
Here's what I wrote originally:
------------------------
The problem isn't girls. Or boys. Relationships are the problem. Noncommited relationships don't make anyone act crazy, unless they're crazy to start with (the guy who said rhonda looks like the grinch, for example).
Committed relationships make everyone go crazy, which is why everyone's bitter. Everyone does stuff they wouldn't normally do in a relationship, and everyone's an asshole eventually. Boys and girls. They're all nuts.
Especially girls, who are normally crazy. Pwned!
PS: If you're a girl, and I didn't mention you, it doesn't mean I hate you.
------------------------
So, I think I need to clarify my point, based off of the comments. Rhonda's previous post mentioned how intelligent people are saying "boys are stupid" and "girls are lame." My point is that:
a) No one actually thinks that all girls are lame, or all boys are stupid (except, apparently, for joey in the comments...). People who say that mean "boys are stupid when I date them" and "girls are stupid when I date them."
b) The reason why people say that sort of thing is because they get burned in relationships. If I get into a fight with a female friend, I rarely use that as evidence for the general statement "girls are lame. It just means that particular girl is wrong (as she must be, because I was obviously right). Unpleasantness in relationships give rise to a general bitterness that unpleasantness in friendships don't.
c) The reason I bring up the difference between committed and non-comm. is because I've seen lots of non-comm. relationships cause no crazy whatsoever. I can honestly not think of a single comm. relationship that hasn't involved nice, smart, reasonable boys and girls turning into mean, irrational boys and girls at some point or another. This statement does not imply that the good times are negated by the crazy. Only that the crazy does indeed exist eventually. What happens then is up to them.
Anyway, my major point is not to be mister bitter guy about relationships (although I think that came across a bit more than I intended). My point is that bitter guys may actually think girls are great (as I do; see above), but scary in relationships. Bitter girls (I assume) feel similarly.
This isn't intended to be a "relationships = bad" post. It's a "girls are lame !=female friends are lame" post.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
For my ladies (I do discriminate...)
Monday, October 15, 2007
Soft Autumn Breezes
For those of you not stuck in Maryland, I am happy to report that this state at least does fall perfectly. For the past 4 or 5 days, it's been breezy and cool... you can wear a sweater but you don't have to...my favorite type of weather. (And when I'm at my least productive.) However, it's had sort of a bizarre side effect today.
Of course, I've spent every possible moment away from this awful building and walking around lovely Capitol Hill. I've caught myself repeatedly humming a song, often because of strange looks from passerby.
What song, you may ask? For that, I bring you back to the late 1980s, when Sara, Selda and I were 8 or 9, Tommy 6 or 7. MTV was holding a contest for the best young band, and we knew this was our chance to make it big. Selda played guitar, Sara pretended to play keyboard, Tommy and I snapped our fingers, and the Antidotes were born.
Due to the malicious nature of Sara and Selda's parents, some of you have seen the videotape of that we sent to mtv. For those of you who haven't, I now present the lyrics, in full. Have a box of Kleenex at hand - it's pretty heavy, emotional stuff.
Those endless nights are far behind
And so's the love we'll never find
Days without you seem like an eternity
But then I see you starin' back at me.
CHORUS:
Soft autumn breezes blowing through your hair
And how I wish that you could take me there.
Remembering times that you held me tight
We learned to love, but we lost the fight.
Standing by my window waiting,
Fighting back cascades of tears
The sunset brings an end to a lonely day
If only you could show me the way.
(Chorus)
Fighting about it does no good
We could never love as lovers should
We said forever, but forever's too long
Where could we have gone so wrong?
(Chorus)
Friday, September 21, 2007
Ring o' fun
Welcome to the third day of super-happy-fun week!! This week comprises all of my favorite things.
I would like to draw your attention to this google map, which displays a 500 mile ring of awesomeness:
View Larger Map
On Wednesday, we saw the lovely Regina Spektor in concert. Tonight, we are seeing Walking with Dinosaurs (!!!!). Tomorrow morning, bright and early, we depart for the Yuengling Brewery in Pottsville, PA, and then head east to picnic and bang on rocks with hammers at Ringing Rocks Park in Upper Eddy, PA. Then, on to NYC for the night, and in the morning, we're going to ride roller coasters at Six Flags. I feel like a third grader before Christmas vacation. I am SO excited. Yippee! Super happy fun week begins!
Monday, September 17, 2007
Why I've been MIA
Here's an apology to you fine people for depriving you of my irresistible charm and inimitable wit.
I have no real excuse. I really don't. I find that at the ripe old age of 24, my Internet trolling has reached it's peak. I honestly check maybe 10 websites regularly, and once I've made my rounds, it's off to checking my email for the 21348th time that day. I can't explain why this is true.
But, my lack of browsing-savvy did pay off in one very crucial way: my housemates and I have finally decided on our Halloween costume. And I must say, it's completely and totally BAD ASS. I, of course, can't tell you what it is. You'll just have to wait for the photos.
One other update on my life: it was my housemate's 25th birthday this past Friday. And in true frat fashion, the Southern Belles hosted "The Dirty Dirty," complete with 2 kegs, tray upon tray of jello shot, and of course, unending debauchery. I would venture to say that at it's peak, the guests numbered over 125 . Not bad for a few law ladies in the Midwest, eh?
The party went off with a hitch, except for some d-bag from the Social Work school who was SITTING ON MY KEG. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, he was SITTING ON MY KEG. WHO DOES THAT? SERIOUSLY?! And, he was making the ladies at the event supremely uncomfortable by leering at them and asking them to "pump his keg." UNACCEPTABLE.
I kindly asked him to remove himself from MY keg. 3 times. And it didn't work. At this point, the Shweenerator got pissed. I mean REAL pissed. And for those of you who know me, ol' girl don't play. (DMA/Tommy: remember the incident with your brother at Buffalo Billiards? Yeah, that was me on Friday night.)
After some serious verbal exchanges, Sitting Guy started lurching toward me, at which point I was about to slug him. Instead, he put flipped me off and screamed some choice profanity. But there was no violence, and the partygoers (who were invited) were appreciative.
Bottom line of this silly story: should law school not pan out, I definitely foresee a career in bouncing.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Weekend exploits
It has been an eventful couple of days around the House of Nerds. Below the jump are the highlights.
As of Thursday, Tommy had been in town for almost a week, and things had been relatively low key. A few tense Risk games, a lot of intensive LSAT studying, some chillin' on the porch, and that's about it. Thursday night, mathgimp left for the Houston wedding, and the insanity began.
David was Chinatown bussin' it down from NYC on Thursday after class. Sadly, his bus left about 45 minutes late, putting him in DC 20 minutes after the metro stopped running. So my brother, who's always thinking, suggested that David ask the bus driver to pull over and drop him off at the College Park exit. David being David, and the Chinatown bus being the Chinatown bus, he was left on the side of 295 for us to come collect. A little odd, but saved us about an hour and a half of our lives.
Friday night, Shween flew in after her insane week of interviews, and we proceeded to live it up at Solly's on U Street. Shween now refers to herself, and will be referred to by us, as Ol' Girl. As in "Ol' Girl knows. She's been around the block. She's seen all there is to see." Allow your imaginations to roam freely, gentlemen. It was nice to be reunited for the first time since Tommy's graduation, and good times were had by all.
While all of this was occurring, mathgimp found himself in the unlikeliest of spots: planning an entire wedding in 24 hours. I hear he's for hire, if you're interested...but that post is his to write if he'd like.
On Saturday, we weren't feeling so hot, but we had accidentally announced that we were hosting a BBQ, so there was planning to be done. Tons of people showed up, we all ate incredible amounts of food, and it was actually a ton of fun. We narrowly escaped the long arm of the law, who apparently get cranky when people who may or may not be associated with my house set of fireworks at 2 am. Hmmm.
Sunday was beautiful, so we headed into Old Town Alexandria for brunch and to walk along the shore. Rhonda and I now have the goal of dining at every restaurant along King Street, and you're all invited. We dropped Shween off at the airport, and decided to lay low Sunday evening. Mathgimp came home, rejoicing was had.
Yesterday was the last day of David and Tommy's visit, so we figured we'd deviate from the previous patterns of only eating a lot and then drinking a lot and instead go for a hike at Great Falls. It was to be our undoing, because as we were turning into the parking lot, I got rear ended. The right side of my car is a bit banged up, but other than a few aches and a little stiffness we're all fine. We sat in the damn parking lot for 3 hours, using 5 cell phones (Mathgimp and Rhonda were helping us out remotely), and managed to accomplish absolutely nothing. The police officer refused to assign liability for the accident to the woman that hit me. After being on the phone with my insurance company for an hour and fifteen minutes, I actually said the following: "Ronald. I am frustrated and disappointed with you, and with this organization. I pay you to advocate for me, Ronald. You're not being my advocate. I need you to give me information I need to make decisions, and you're not doing that, Ronald." Well, by said I kind of mean yelled.
The only thing actually accomplished in that three hours is that mathgimp successfully ordered us Chinese food and wine, which arrived about 45 seconds after we got home. The moral of the story? Don't try to do things when you can instead eat and drink at home.
This morning I went to sleep at 2:30 am, drove Tommy to the airport at 5:15 am, ate breakfast with David, and then stumbled to work.
It was an adventure filled weekend, but I'm pretty worn out. And I need a massage for my aching muscles.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Turtle on the ankle
Here's the new tattoo.
I think it's pretty hot. Tommy, though, says I can't tell new people why I got it - he says the story "keeps friends, not makes friends." Benjamin says that the turtle is fine and all, but I should have picked either the Celtic knot or a cute, adorable little turtle and gone with one or the other. I wish both of my brothers had decided to express those views before I modified by body forever, but I actually don't care, cause I love it. Yay, turtles! 
Friday, August 24, 2007
We should totally do this
Since our parents generally live in other states/don't own us anymore, The only people we have to worry about are the neighbors.
And the landlord.
And the police.
Still, it's totally worth it. I could get some of the nerds (read: Andy) in on this.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Blog stuff, socialness and dinosaurs
First, I'd like to point out that it's August 22nd, and it's really cold in DC. Like, I should have brought a jacket kind of cold. It's really strange.
Second of all, I'd like to welcome Fodder (our third roommate who's lived with me for six months and can't spell my name) as our newest author to the blog! Yay, John!! After the jump, various other updates.
We're also at 1967 unique views for the blog, which puts us over 2000 by the end of the week. Considering the fact that it took us just shy of two months to reach 1000, and just over 1 month to reach 2000, that's pretty damn good. Keep up the good writing, and keep bothering your friends incessantly to read it!
Now fun stuff: there are two weekends I want to put on everyone's radar. The first is Labor Day weekend. Tommy gets into DC this Saturday (yay!!!), and then all of the Austin folk who have been displaced to the mid west or the east coast are congregating at the House of Nerds (my house) on Labor Day weekend. It's being called the paradoxical post-pan-ultimate by Shween, or something insanely complicated like that. Sadly, Mathgimp will be attending a wedding in Houston from Thursday-Sunday, but everyone else will be there! Come if you can.
Second of all, we're having the most fun 5 days ever from Sept 19-Sept 23. Sept 19, Regina Spektor is playing at Rams Head Live in Baltimore. Sept 25, we're headed to PA to go on the tour of the Yuengling Brewery, and then go to Ringing Rocks Park in PA, where you hit rocks with hammers and they ring like bells. I'm not sure where we're sleeping that night, but we hope to find someone who wants to hang out with all of us that evening and will let us sleep on their floor =) On Sunday, we're going to ride roller coasters (!!!!!!) at Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey. I am so excited about the entire weekend.
I saved the best for last though. Where do the dinosaurs come in, you ask? Well, Walking with Dinosaurs is playing in DC from Sept 19-22. My excitement about roller coasters is nothing compared with my excitement over seeing life-sized dinosaurs act. Which means that on Friday, Sept 20, I am going to see the show. It might sound like a crazy, non-stop, insanely expensive weekend, but I prefer to think about it as the most fun weekend ever, ever, ever.
If you would like to participate in any or all of these, you should. If you do not participate in any of these, you better have a damn good reason why.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Caribbean Fest pics!
J-stew, a good friend of mine (and potential future blog author) came to visit a few weeks ago. A bunch of us trekked out to the DC Caribbean festival. It was unfathomably hot and crowded, we waited 2.5 hours for food, and we drank delicious fruit smoothies out of pineapples. Here are a few pictures from the fest - check out the beads! 
Monday, August 13, 2007
Lots of stuff a'brewin - part one
Updated below the jump.
Man, I've been at work for 45 minutes, and I don't even know where to start with the all the stuff I want to say.
Update: And, it's David's first day of law school!!!!! Happy law schooling, David!
Numero uno. My brother Ben is our newest author!!! He debuts this week with the post On a Duet of Dueling Emilys and will keep us abreast of all things hip, as well as what it's like to have an active dating life. Good times. I'm excited he's writing for us.
Numero dos: Joey, can you post or email me the recipe for Pimms Lemonade?
Nuemro tres: Once we all move to Estonia, we can have a courtyard that looks like this: 
Numero cuatro: Aren't these the cutest boots you've ever seen?: 
Sunday, August 12, 2007
On a Duet of Dueling Emilys
This being my first contribution to this fine commune of voices, I would just like to state outright that I am not a pimp. Or at least not by choice. I have never purchased a cane without a disability to necessitate it (I haven't purchased one at all, but specificity is sometimes necessary). I do not wear a ring, let alone several rings beset with glamorous stones such as opal. I have a one o'clock curfew, and as such my ability to work the streets is severally mitigated. No, ladies and gentleman, it was never in my aspirations to be the panoptacon eyes on some poor woman who has not, yet, payed me my money.
However, recent events have led me to believe, that much like those born presupposed to athleticism, emotional instability, or the ability to fix a fax machine without slamming it repeatedly with their fists, I have the preternatural ability to draw to me Emilys from all walks of life. Or rather two Emilys, each baring differences, but from mostly the same upper middle class walk of life. I live in the suburbs; too much diversity cannot be expected.
The first Emily is blond, athletic and frequents the New Jersey coast. The second is darkhaired, brilliant and shares my taste in literature (we swap books, it's cute). Both want to be biochemists, which is eerie because no one wants to be a biochemist. I mean, obviously some people do, but not many. Certainly not enough for 100% percent of the Emily population in my life to seek the profession.
Anyway.
Recently both of these maidens have besieged me with request for my affection. As a man who, as I have explained, is not used to the pimping way of life, this shocked me. It always does. The beautiful, intellectual woman who show interest in me always mystify me. I am wirey, pimply and excessively inarticulate. Generally I can accept the affections of one girl as something of a romantic anomaly. I figure, after all, a fair percentage of the population certainly seems to be deranged, at least I end up with the cute ones. However, when it becomes so unlikely as to two girls of the same name and the same career aspiration take to me simultaneously, I am forced into a state of amazement that prevents me from reacting to the situation in any sensible way. Sometimes, you play the game. But sometimes there is so much game, you just don't know what you're playing anymore. And in my case, the mere presence of game is enough to set me out for the season.
So, in resolving the internal war that my feelings toward both Emilys were waging (tune in next week, for when this war is chronicled in the style of the Iliad) I came to the realization that perhaps the similarities of their names was no coincidence. Perhaps indeed it was to be a calling of mine, a gift from birth that had waited until now to unearth itself, to romance all the Emilys of the world. Not for indulgences sake, but for the sake of science. Yes, this was an epiphany. An inspiration of near biblical magnitude.
Therefore, I am withdrawing a loan with which to establish an institution for testing the romantic similarities (and dissimilarities) of all Emilys in the world. Particularly those with biochemical positions or aspirations. Contact information will be released shortly after establishment.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Communal living in Estonia
When I got home yesterday, the heat index was 113 degrees. We actually watched Planet Earth's (excellent) documentary on ice just to cool down.
We live in a lovely 100-year-old house on a hill. We're luckier than a lot of northeastern folk because we have central AC, but only sort of. The thermostat was on 65 when I got home (I know, and I don't want to talk about it or the environment or power shortages or how expensive our electric bill will be).
With the AC on, the downstairs is tolerable (although "cool" would be an unfair word for what it is.) Upstairs, which happens to be where my bedroom is, it's at least 100 degrees. You can see the heat waves move through the air. Even at 10 pm last night, it was disgustingly, stiflingly hot. I moved my bed so that it's in the center of the room, directly in between my fan and the air vent, and it did some good, but not much.
This heat wave makes me miss everything about Texas summers. I miss the dry heat in Austin, I miss air conditioning that works and houses that are insulated, I miss driving to work instead of riding the metro (note to DC commuters: in the height of the summer, if you're going to be riding the metro with 300 other people, please shower and use deodorant every day.) I miss badass thunderstorms and lightening storms(like everything else about Maryland, our "storms" are totally lame). Although Texas is better than Maryland in just about every way, it is still 95 degrees. So I have a new plan.
When I hate things, I daydream about Estonia, my favorite place on earth. Right now in Tallinn, it's in the 70s and sunny. And they're going to get a little bit of rain over the next week, but it won't be bad. For $824, a one-way ticket to Tallinn that leaves DC tomorrow at 2:35 pm could be mine.
I won't lie, I might get on that plane tomorrow. One of the many amazing things about Tallinn is that the entire city has free wireless, so even when I'm starving and homeless and broke because of my $824 plane ticket and lack of a job, I can at least blog about it. I figure that with Smed in Argentina, tri-continental blogging might be good for our stats, too.
Great idea, you say? Why aren't I invited, you say? Well, my friend, read on!
To expedite things, I took the liberty of looking up tickets for everyone that I know of who reads the blog and isn't in DC. Folks in Austin and Dallas, your best bet is to drive to Houston and fly out with our friends that live there. Your flight is $848, and leaves at 12:26 from Intercontinental. Smed, I know you just got to Argentina, but in case you're bored already, tickets are $1459, which you could totally swing. The New Yorkers get the best price- only $751! Tickets out of Boston are $953, and from Lexington are the most expensive, coming in at $1559. I figure that, for just shy of $10,000, we can get everyone we like to Tallinn within the next 48 hours.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
I'm clearly not ready to have kids
Some people think having a puppy sounds like a splendid idea.
I'm one of those people. Or I used to be. I still do in theory, but my idealistic, romantic view of it has changed. I convinced my friend Yas to buy a puppy. She adopted a pit bull german shepard mix. It's going to be huge, but it's adorable and tiny right now. And a little ball of energy.
I got to puppy sit this weekend. Jesus Christ! That puppy needed an extraordinary amount of attention! Who knew! I guess a lot of people knew, but not me! I thought puppy (whose name is Georgia) would sit with me and cuddle and play fetch. We'd go on walks and meet cute boys who were impressed with how cute she is.
But, no. She poops and pees and barks and wants you to play with her ALL THE TIME! I love her and will puppy sit as many times as Yas needs, but I cannot see myself having a puppy. And certainly not a baby! If a puppy takes up that much energy. . .
Friday, August 3, 2007
Cool thing of the day (Updated with more coolness!)
I don't know if you know this...
But 2/3 of the Clancy siblings are kind of a big deal. Ben's band Bridges is playing at Ruta Maya tonight in Austin, and merited a listing in the Austin Chronicle.
Also, Lincoln Davis (D-TN) and I just had a lovely conversation, and he called me "a remarkable young woman."
I'm not sure what Tommy's up to, but 2 out of 3 ain't bad.
If you're in Austin, go see Ben's show!!!!!!!!!!
Update two:
I just realized that mentioning Ben's emo band indie-band-that-sounds-like-Brighteyes* in the same post as my dealings with Congressfolk may have just decreased his coolness factor by about a million points. Let me assure you (although I'm stating the obvious) that Ben is, far and away, the coolest Clancy, and my political dorkdom has in no way rubbed off on him.
Although I do have a political story about Ben. In 2000, Ben's 5th grade class had a mock election on the same day as the real election. [Full disclosure: I swapped my vote with a friend in Florida - they voted for Gore, I voted for Nader. I was one of the Nader voters that helped the problem, or at least tried to].
Because Ben loves his big sister, he was the only person, not just in his class but in the entire school, to vote for Nader. He was also the only person, not just in Austin, but in all of America, to be surprised and angry when Nader lost. I remember vividly that his homework was to color in a map of the US as states were called for Republicans or Democrats. He created a separate category for Nader (green, of course). Everytime a state was called blue or red, he would get so angry that he'd throw his cute little colored pencils across the room.
Anyway, go hear him play.
*Changed as per request of the band.
So, that's surprising...
I gotta say, I didn't expect this. After the jump, people I now have crushes on.
This was written by Danica McKellar, who was in 80 episodes of The Wonder Years, and a few of The West Wing. Who knew TV stars knew anything about the Ising model (of which the Potts model is a generalization).
Also, apparently Mayim Bialik, the star of Blossom, has a PhD in neuroscience from UCLA.
In all reality, I still don't have a crush on Blossom, PhD or no. But Danica McKellar should call me.
Update:
This was posted before I read nuraido's most recent post. While I don't find Ann Coultier wildy attractive, I greatly enjoy watching nuraido try to keep from vomiting at the thought of her. Thus, my apparent crazy person fetish is really for entertainment purposes only. Of course, if Danica McKellar is a crazy right wing pundit (unlikely because math people are awesome), so be it. She should still call me.
Sen. Leahy left heart broken by Chief Justice
Last Sunday, I accidentally drank an entire 1.5-liter bottle of pino grigio in about 3 hours. No one stopped me, I guess because of the entertainment factor, and we spent most of the night talking of sex with politicians and pundits.
First, I'm going to call out Mathgimp (mostly to feel better about myself): he's got a little thing for Ann Coulter. That thought revolts me to the point that I may never have sex again.
Now, a confession of my own: I apparently (I swear to you, it was only the wine talking), spent the entire night telling everyone how attractive Chief Justice John Roberts is. In the interest of full disclosure, I am told (albeit, by the man who fantasizes about the venemous, evil blonde wench) that I even called John Roberts a "slammin' hottie," which in the world of politics is a label I reserve solely for John Edwards. Now, to my credit, John Roberts wasn't sore on the eyes when he was at Harvard: 
but the thought of my drunk self finding him attractive kinda makes me twitch a little bit (too soon for the seizure jokes, people.)
This morning, I found solace in an unusual place: Senator Patrick Leahy, chairman of the Judiciary Committee. It seems I am not the only one who, when clearly under the influence of mind altering substances, says absolutely idiotic things about the Chief Justice. In an interview with the Politico's Roger Simon, Senate Judiciary Committee chairman Patrick Leahy says he voted to confirm Chief Justice John Roberts only because he knew he was going to be confirmed anyway and thought a pure party-line confirmation vote would leave Roberts thinking he was "an appointment of the Republican Party."
Leahy admits that it has pretty much worked out that way anyway: Under Roberts, he says, the Supreme Court has become "an arm of the Republican Party."
Um, this is why people hate Democrats. Because our cunning strategy reads like this: We're not going to try to win, so that when those mean ol' Republicans gain power through (uncontested) nefarious means, they'll remember that we were nice, and be nice to us.
Senator Leahy, I've always kind of liked you, but you're seriously a spineless moron. Even though you're messing up the Gonzo bullshit, none of that will ever affect the life of average Americans. Supreme Court decisions clearly have major implications for the lives of American citizens. Voting against Roberts because you thought his confirmation was inevitable would have been a principled stand for the American people who choose to vote for your dumbass every six years. Instead, you proved once again that Democrats would rather be bullied and whine about it later than to take their beatings and cast votes of conscience. Good job.
At least my transgressions against the party are limited to my drunken fantasy life. But maybe that's what serving on the Judiciary Committee is: one long orgy with Republicans.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
The ongoing saga of Larry and Bob
I was going to write an analysis of media construction of the legitimacy of presidential candidates through the projection of objectivity. It's been on my mind lately. But that sounded like a lot of work for something no one would read.
On the other hand, a bunch of you seemed interested in the Officer Larry and Officer Bob saga, and there are some updates on that below the jump.
I came to work yesterday mentally prepared to embrace the advice of Barzelay and demand that Officer Bob either ignore me or come up with new morning jokes. When I got here, he was positively beaming, which threw me off my game. "He's back!" Half asleep me thought "Who's back? Voldemort? WTF is happening?" Bob continued: "Officer Larry's back! You must have let him out of the basement!" I was struck by how happy and genuinely relieved this man looked, so early in the morning on a Monday. I think he really missed Larry, which is strange but fine.
"That's great!" I replied. I smiled, kept walking, and left him to whatever reunion festivities he had planned. I figured we'd have time later to resolve our last remaining point of contention: Larry was never in my basement. Not ever.
On the way to the elevator, a woman I'd never seen before rushed to catch up with me. "How did you do that?" She asked. I was, for the second time in 30 seconds, completely baffled. "Do what?" I asked. "He was just nice to you. How did you get him to talk? He's a fuckin asshole to everyone else. All the rest of the guards are fine, but that guy just sucks."
Hmmm. Apparently, inane repetitive jokes are nothing short of a declaration of love from Bob. And I would certainly prefer that relationship to blistering hatred. Besides, it seems to me that Bob is lost and alone without Larry, and needs someone to share that with. I suppose that can be me.
Today, I came back from lunch sweaty and flushed and running late (it's like 100 degrees outside, and somehow I managed to get lost). Lo and behold, there was Larry, but no Bob. "Hey, sweetheart! It's been way too long! How ya doin? You sure look cute today!" he says (it's nice to hear, especially when it's a lie). We chatted for a few minutes, and then he says "Hey-is that boyfriend of yours still treatin you right?" Dammit. "You let me know when you break his heart -- I'm next in line." Dammit.
Stupid fake boyfriend. Stupid Officer Bob and his emotional issues. Stupid Officer Larry being back. Oh well. I shouldn't date people from work, especially those who carry guns and can deny me access to the building. But still.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Conversation on the Subway
MathGimp, I am the man at Starbucks who asks too much about your dairy habits.
Scene: 6 o'clock; Going home from work on the crowded subway.
Me (to the man sitting next to me): You're sitting awfully close to me, and I don't know how I feel about it.
Stranger Man (quite rightly taken aback that someone is speaking to him on the subway): Ummm..yeah it's as if we know each other...(nervous laugh)
Me (with an extravagant wave around the train): How many people on this train do you think are absolutely miserable? I mean, how many do you think are coming home from a job they hate?
Stranger Man: I'd guess a lot of them.
Me: Are you miserable at your job?
Stranger Man: Yeah, I guess I am pretty miserable there.
Me: Yeah, I think that's how it goes with most grown ups. But not for everyone.
Stranger Man: Who isn't miserable?
Me: The people who swim with dolphins for a living.
Stranger Man (trying to look at the bright side of things): Um, yeah. But if we didn't work at our miserable jobs, we couldn't live in this amazing [New York] city.
Me (Immediately finding the weakness in his argument): Yeah, but it wouldn't matter. If we swam with dolphins we'd live at Sea World.
Monday, July 23, 2007
HP, Flight of the Navigator, politics of the ME
Selda requested weekend updates. I, for one, ended up having a fantastic weekend.
On Friday night, Shweenerator and I met up in Chinatown to go to a Ella's Wood Fire Grill. It was lovely out, we were sitting outside on the patio, our waiter was adorable in a very self-conscious, shy way. We split a carafe of sangria and a delicious appetizer of eggplant and ricotta rolls (yum!!!) About 20 minutes later, Mathgimp met up with us, and Shween and I began singing the praises of this restaurant. Until the management came up. And told us we weren't allowed to sit on the patio, or at any table, unless we were actually ordering food. And made us move inside and stand up with our drinks. So this place went from a 10 in my book to about a 4, even though I might go back there to eat sometime.
Not to be deterred from drinking outside, we then wandered to Elephant and Castle, where Sarah and John work. I'd never been there before, but it's kind of amazing. An enormous patio - the best I've seen in DC, good food, delicious drinks... and Sarah was a pretty awesome waitress. We sat outside, talked, people watched, and then when she got off, we walked next door to yet ANOTHER bar, this one a fancy linen table-clothed type bar, where Ms. Sarah once again worked her magic and got us more free drinks.
At this point, not shockingly, I was more than a little drunk, which was the perfect time for us to go... GET Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows 
Saturday I slept in, woke up at 10:30, and read all day long. Finished the book at 6. Can't comment on it til mathgimp's done, under penalty of death and blog-boycotting, but it was very interesting. Except for a few things I didn't understand and kind of hated.
I finished the book exactly in time for the long-awaited pizza and movie night to begin. Kris and Katie seriously out-did themselves with ice cream sundaes -- HUGE tub o'ice cream, and then more toppings than Baskin and Robbins. We ordered pizza from Mama Lucias (delicious, but pricey). Made margaritas. Everyone was hanging on the porch, drinking and having fun, when Smed showed up, all the way from NY, bearing a watermelon. Surprise! Good times. We watched Flight of the Navigator and Dazed and Confused in our 70s homage, and then went to bed.
Yesterday I basically just chilled all day. Slept in, talked to Seld for a while, talked to Chris Palmer for the first time in forever, actually, honest-to-God applied for 3 jobs, and then Rhonda came over. We got silly drunk with Greg and John and talked about Islam and the Middle East and the death penalty and just had really amazing and interesting conversations. Then Rhonda passed out on a pile of dirty laundry in my room, I fell asleep around 2:30, and my alarm went off WAYYYY too early this morning.
The week's off to a good start, though. Yay, fun weekends and social posts!
Friday, July 20, 2007
I wasn't awake enough for this
So, today I happened to be near a Starbucks when I got coffee. I usually go to the union, where it's cheaper and better, but today I was stuck with Starbucks.
The barista noticed how light my coffee was, and said, "wow, that's a lot of cream." This mundane statement led to a rather odd 30 seconds, after the jump.
Pretty much everyone who has seen the color of my coffee has pointed out how much cream I use. Generally in a mocking manner. So, I smile and respond "Yeah, that's what they tell me." Usually, that's the end of the conversation, unless you're nuraido, in which case you point out you're more hardcore than I am (in this case, completely true). But no, not with this guy. We continue.
"So, I guess you like dairy products a lot" he asks. "Huh?" I ask. "You know, you must drink a lot of milk...." he responds expectantly. Really? I understand you have a boring job and all, but you are honestly bored enough to ask about my dairy intake? Really?
"No, not really. I don't drink much milk." I really don't, not that anyone reading this cares. Hell, no one really cares, including myself, except for this guy.
"Well, what if there were some terrible disease, and the only cure was to drink lots of milk all the time. Would you drink milk then?"
I honestly can't think of a stranger question I've been asked within 30 seconds of meeting someone. What the hell?
"Well, if milk were the only thing keeping me alive, then yeah, I guess I'd drink a lot of milk" I respond.
I have something of a confused expression on my face at this point, and really want him to take the money out of my hand so I can go back to work. Apparently, he was expecting me to want the conversation to continue, because actually looks disappointed.
He takes my money, makes change, and mumbles something about chocolate. How chocolate got into this I can't begin to fathom. But, because I didn't understand him, I don't have to respond to what he said. I smile, nod, and wish him a pleasant day.
I think the next poll we have on the blog should be related to dairy intake. Who's with me?